LOST AFTER DARK

THE SETUP

I first heard about Ian Kessner’s, Slasher film “Lost After Dark” about a year ago. It’s a Canadian made film and clearly an homage to slasher films of the 80’s. A group of teenagers decide to borrow a school bus, skip the dance and head to a cabin for a weekend of partying. Their road trip is quickly short-lived after they break down near an old and decrepit farmhouse. They split up into pairs and head out to try to find help, little do they know a cannibalistic madman is lurking nearby hoping to add the kids to his sacrificial shrine. The film stars Jesse Camacho, Kendra Lee Timmins, Elise Gatien, Justin Kelly, Stephan James, Eve Harlow, Lanie McAuley, Alexander Calvert, Mark Wiebe and Robert Patrick.

THE GOOD

Kessner’s film definitely isn’t the first modern film heavily inspired by Slasher’s from the 80’s. Sure the teens in the woods, madman on the loose premise is a pretty formulaic one. Saying that, there’s a reason it works. Most fans just want consistency and this familiar concept is nothing if not consistent, the reason we continue watching these types of films is because we know what we’re in for (for the most part). Even though I enjoy that 80’s look and feel, whether it be the clothing or the music maybe even just the nostalgic appeal, I still enjoy watching how far the acting and effects have come these days. Ian’s camera work in Lost After Dark is simple but productive, the shot choices often highlighting the intended 80’s aesthetics. The audio is loud and clear and a majority of the scenes are sufficiently lit. A film entirely set at night, as is this one (for the most part) can be difficult to balance the amount of light you use. Some of the internal shots throughout the second half of the film were quite dark, I would’ve liked to have seen a bit more of the set design because what I did see looked cool.

It’s a rarity to find more than one character to root for in these types of films. The writing often only caters to a specific character you know is probably going to end up at the center of the crisis. Lost After Dark gives us the cliché’s we’ve come to know and love, while at the same time managing to make everyone somewhat likable in their own way. It’s a welcoming nod that the names of the teens here, correlate with different people associated with past films in the genre. Adrienne (played by Timmins), is the play it safe, sweet girl who begrudgingly hosts the weekend getaway in a desperate attempt to fit in with the popular kids namely Sean (Justin Kelly), the guy she has a crush on. Wesley (James), is the more mature of the guys but that’s not saying much. According to the beautiful Jamie (played by Elise Gatien) he’s a bit of a player. Johnny and Heather (played by Alexander Calvert and Lanie McAuley), play the token rich kid with connections and the princess dumb blonde. Rounding out the group are Tobe, the nerdy out of shape stoner (Camacho from the underrated “12 And Holding”) and lastly, Misfit/Rebel Marilyn (played by Eve Harlow from TV’s “The 100”).

The facet I enjoyed most about this young group of actors/actresses was the natural chemistry they all shared. I know some of them worked together on the TV show “Degrassi”, but they all managed to convey the dynamics of their characters friendships quite well. All the girls respective characters had such different personalities, each likable for different reasons. Majority of the acting feels real, often towing the line between Drama and Comedy, but never takes itself so seriously. Most of the dialogue is well-written, profanity only included where necessary and the films light-hearted moments normally on display at the right time. Ian opts to take the path less traveled where certain revelations are concerned. There were a couple of characters whose arcs contained unique surprises that I definitely didn’t see coming. I thought Tobe (played by Camacho) had the most interesting and entertaining character arc out of all the teens. He delivered some well-timed, comedic relief and acted quite the fool who had a crush on the girl he knows he probably can’t get. For a nerd he’s quite cool, even Marilyn says so.

The first part of Lost After Dark rings true to the Slashers of old, by not containing much Action but still getting in a couple of early kills to help set the tone, although one of them is off-screen and the other is fairly generic. As the film progresses, the body count starts to rise and there are some more on-screen deaths, albeit only briefly shown. The effects were done practically and look pretty solid. A couple of the highlights involve a post hole digger and a makeshift wooden weapon. I just want to quickly mention “Terminator 2 Judgement Day’s” Robert Patrick, who plays the war vet/ high school principal Mr Cunningham. He’s a welcomed addition to the cast and he had some fun isolated dialogue, I just wish he had of featured a little more often.

THE BAD

Music is key in most films, even more so when it comes to re-creating the 80’s. We’re talking about a point in time where some of the cheesiest songs, written by one hit wonders found their way to the top of the charts. The soundtrack for Lost After Dark was very disappointing as were the references. There’s only one or two shots showing the kids listening to an old-school, boom box style radio with a cassette player attached. Even then the songs are very low in the audio mix and you can barely make out what’s playing. A couple of passable muted pop songs aren’t enough to satisfy me, this is supposed to be the 80’s, Where’s the synth? You can’t make an 80’s inspired film without synth that would be like pancakes without maple syrup. I could forgive it to some degree if the soundtrack played much more frequently than it does. The sound effects are just as plain as the lack-lustre score. For the most part it’s a generic, low-key violin mixed with your simple three note piano score. It’s only in a few more of the climactic chase scenes that the score manages to rise to the occasion.

The faux, 70’s style grindhouse aesthetics placed throughout certain points of the film are a distraction. The combination of using static blemishes and missing reels feels far more suited to channeling a low-budget, SOV (shot on video) film than it does in this. Most hardcore genre fans will be disappointed in the lack of sex/nudity in Kessner’s film understandably so, personally I wasn’t bothered by it each to his own. Lost After Dark takes its time getting to the good stuff and that can be problematic if that stuff is rather ordinary. The second half of the film contains some fun kills but they’re fleeting, there’s no lingering for suspense, no time spent building any level of fear. Our heavy coat wearing madman has very little that’s distinctive about him, other than a fairly rotten set of teeth. We only know he supposed to intimidate us because he’s big, it’s not because he’s all that menacing. If the “Axeman” killer and Fisherman, Ben Willis from “I Know What You Did Last Summer” had a cousin it’d be Joad.

Even though most of the dialogue does aid in progressing the story, it’s still lacking some much-needed punchy 80’s lingo, especially as far as one liners and comedy go. Several lines of dialogue don’t make sense and should have been re-worded to feel more natural. The film’s opening drops us into the 70’s where we see a girl running away from a madman. Now, in hindsight it’s unnecessary because other than giving the audience a bit of early action and a brief glimpse of the killer, it has no context to the Joad character or anyone else in the film. The main problem is that the back story surrounding Joad (Wiebe) isn’t made known until three-quarters way through the film. The audience has barely seen him, we don’t know what he’s been doing for all these years or if there’s a deeper meaning behind it all, we get next to nothing. It’s an extremely long wait to expose information to the viewer that the group already knows. I think it’s Tobe and Marilyn that see the name on the letterbox as they enter the property, yet no one raises this well-known “campfire” legend until it’s crystal clear they’re in his house and all being hunted. Robert Patrick is by far the most experienced cast member here but he only gets a few short scenes to try to make an impact. He’s shown at one of the kids parent’s houses early on, and then isn’t referenced again until the final act. I don’t like seeing that break in continuity that makes you wonder what a character has done during that chunk of screen time (think of any number of “Pretty Little Liars” episodes where characters disappear for ten episodes at a time and no one questions where the hell they’ve been!).

Every film opens itself up to criticism it’s par for the course, Lost After Dark even more so because it’s aiming to model itself on popular Horror films of the 80’s. After waiting for the film’s release for so long I had high expectations, honestly I felt a little let down once the credits began to roll. It’s clear Ian’s got a sound knowledge of the technical aspects and along with (Co-Writer, Bo Ransdell), the ability to write interesting and likable characters while introducing clever twists audiences are starved for. Despite its slightly off kilter pacing and in my mind lack of true bloodshed, the entertaining group dynamics and the practical effects are reason enough to watch and enjoy this one. Something tells me Kessner’s film probably would have worked just as well, if not better in a modern setting. Taking into account its PG nature, the new age discourse and a lack of focus on creating an 80’s inspired synth pumping soundtrack, Lost After Dark ends up somewhat of a miss. It never truly shines in the Suspense or Horror department. With a combination of convenient background information coming to the surface, entwined with the killers generic look, Joad will simply be remembered as just another cookie cutter killer. On top of it all the ending was rather anti-climactic, but that could be because a sequel is on the cards I’m not sure. If you like to kill some time (pardon the pun), with a modern Slasher film this one is still well worth a look. If you er on the side of caution when it comes to Horror, you’d be safer with the old school classics.

Lost After Dark is available to purchase through Amazon.

My rating for “Lost After Dark” is 6/10

INVADERS

THE SETUP

Howdy Pilgrim! I’d just like to say thanks to Writer/Director Jason Kupfer, for allowing me early access to an online screener of his 7 minute, Horror/Comedy short “Invaders”. Prior to entering a wealthy families suburban home, a pair of invaders ponder potential character choices as well as how to proceed with the job. The film stars Ricky Wayne, Jordan Woods-Robinson and Larry Bukovey. I originally stumbled upon a write-up for Invaders and thought it sounded great. I’ve seen my fair share of short films over the last twelve months, most of which have been really polished films so what about Invaders? This is Jason’s third short and it was shot for an estimated budget of $10,000.

THE GOOD

The premise of Invaders is an extremely entertaining one. A deliciously dark comedy done in good nature. We all remember “Home Alone’s” Harry and Marv, the simple-minded buddy duo that could never seem to get it together when it came time to get young Kevin. Our driver and passenger in Invaders are very much cut from the same cloth as the aforementioned. Though I felt a hint of John Hughes’s classic film about it, there aren’t any real references in here. However, a couple of other films are mentioned during the opening lines of dialogue so that was a nice touch. All the shot choices are fantastic so kudos go to both Jason and Cinematographer, Marco Cordero. Everything is expertly framed and crisply edited, those specific shots with a gentle zoom help give the viewer a variety of camera activity to look at.

All the audio levels were clear and though the piano score didn’t necessarily fit the tone, it still sounded nice. Invaders is cleverly written. The funny dialogue and timing of delivery from Wayne and Robinson is what really draws you in (as much as one can be in 7 minutes haha). The debate over choice of mask is hilarious, made even funnier by our drivers inability to focus properly on the task at hand. The importance he places on trivial details is entertaining as hell. I’ll quickly mention the splatter inspired, blood and gore which closely resembles Asian cinema like “Tokyo Gore Police” and “Lust Of The Dead”. The last sequence is brilliant and the household owners method of dealing with the situation is golden! This would be as close to a perfect short as you’ll find, if not for the fact that as the credits roll one character remains upright, when it would be scientifically impossible to do so. I know it was probably played for laughs (I mean I laughed), so I’m going to let that one slide. Now you’re probably wondering where is the bad, there’s always bad right?? Not this time, well almost not anyway.

THE BAD

The way in which a certain character meets their demise wasn’t made as clear as it could have been (at least in my opinion). Upon a second viewing though I got a glimpse of what I had missed the first time around.

Invaders is a superb little short, in fact it’s just about the best short I’ve ever seen. The technical aesthetics are brilliant, the dialogue is fresh and the desired intention is clear  from the. The actors do a great job and the gore effects are almost as good as Chris McInroy’s “Bad Guy #2” see review * https://adamthemoviegod.com/bad-guy-2-review/ Invaders will be online in November so keep an eye out for it, especially if you were a fan of Bad Guy #2. Brilliant work from Jason Kupfer and Co, I can’t wait to see what he does next.

My rating for “Invaders” is 9.5/10

DISMEMBERING CHRISTMAS

THE SETUP

“Dismembering Christmas” is the latest Horror/Slasher from Slasher Studios, the team that brought us the 80’s inspired slasher “Don’t Go To The Reunion” see review * https://adamthemoviegod.com/dont-go-to-the-reunion-review/. About a year or so ago, these guys started an online fundraising campaign for this latest venture of theirs and it was quite the success. I was one of many that originally backed the film and I have to say it’s great to see that it’s finally being released this October. As part of a rewards perk I’m being given a Blu Ray copy of the film, but seeing as it’s not ready just yet this review is based on the online screener sent to me by Producer and Co-Writer, Kevin Sommerfield. Dismembering Christmas is about a group of high school friends some of whom are even siblings, who are heading out to a Vacation lake house to celebrate Christmas. Shortly after their arrival, they’re warned by a local to stay away because supposedly a vicious murder had taken place in the cabin several years earlier. They soon discover someone is out for revenge as the body count continues to rise. The film is Director, Austin Bosley’s first full length feature and it stars Baker Chase Powell, Nina Kova, Johnathon Krautkramer, Leah Wiseman, Danielle Doetsch, Shannon McInnis, Jennifer Lenius, Marla Van Lanen, Scott Seagren and Austin Bosley.

THE GOOD

Right off the bat, a catchy title like Dismembering Christmas has to peak your curiosity especially if you’re a fan of DIY, low-budget film-making. Most fans of the genre are always down for a Christmas themed entry into the genre. Over the years we’ve seen the likes of the “Silent Night Deadly Night” series, the two “Jack Frost” films and of course an oldie but a Goldie in “Black Christmas”. Dismembering Christmas’s advantage is that it keeps everything simple, it’s a one location, small cast simple setup type of deal, and that’s all most of us want to see. The three or four different posters floating around are all impressive and the cabin most of the film takes place in is gorgeous. Some of the holiday theme music was cool, and although the piano pieces were a little out place in their respective scenes, they still sounded nice. I loved the subtle use of bells and chimes that build throughout a few of the more climactic scenes. It aided in accompanying the few small stock sound effects that were used. Majority of the transition between scenes was smooth and the editing was clipped in all the correct places. The quality of light and the crew’s ability to shoot said light was the other triumph on the technical front. All the internal shots are gentle but bright enough that we can see anything important, and the external light is shown using gleams from outside the frame while still maintaining sufficient darkness for the scenes at night.

The camera work and its effective panning is the technical aspect that highlights the production value of Dismembering Christmas. Bosley has worked on some short films and it’s clear that so far he’s learning things the correct way. From the opening frames that roll in at ground level and see someone unpacking presents to put under the tree, to the carefully edited vertical shots seconds later looking over a kitchen table, it’s all very crisp and precise. Austin manages to avoid the inevitable shaky cam moments that often plague micro-budget films. Instead he chooses to tone things back a notch or two by not framing the actors/actresses faces so closely. If my memory serves me correctly, there weren’t a lot of tracking (dolly) shots in Don’t Go To The Reunion, so it was nice to see more of that style implemented here. There was one sequence in particular that involved Lauren (played by McInnis), as she’s running away from the masked killer, where the camera tracks from behind, through the snow, up the stairs and around the corner all in one incredibly well executed take. With only an estimated budget of $16,000, you won’t find a better sequence in the Horror genre than that one.

The standard of writing from Kevin Sommerfield and Steve Goltz, who also worked on Don’t Go To The Reunion, has improved a considerable amount with this second outing. The profanity is far less frequent and the dynamic of the groups dialogue flows a lot better. The cast and their chemistry seemed far more natural than of those who worked on DGTTR, I believe Marla and Jonathon were the only two from this film that worked on the aforementioned. The breakdown of the story goes as follows. Mark Turner (played by Powell) and his girlfriend Katie (played by the gorgeous Danielle Doetsch), are using Mark’s Dad’s cabin to play host to a bunch of friends for Xmas. The group consists of Brother and Sister, Emma and Justin (played by lovely Leah Wiseman and the returning Johnathon Krautkramer) couple Lauren and Travis (McInnis and Bosley), as well as Justin’s lifelong friend Sam (the alluring Nina Kova) and Katie’s friend Claire (played by Jennifer Lenius, one of the most experienced of the cast). Most of the conversations throughout the film revolve around the relationship dynamics of the pairings, and how the “friends” fit in, or don’t as the case may be. When you combine some of the character revelations with a tale of murder, told to the group by a local named Frank Fuller (Seagren), the short running time passes quite quickly. The second half of the film picks up in intensity as we find out who is committing the murders and why (sort of).

Taking into account most of the cast are relatively inexperienced, this group does a pretty solid job. Baker and Jonathon have their moments in a couple of scenes, as does Danielle, whose playing the self-absorbed bitchy girl of the group. It’s really the lovely duo of Leah Wiseman and Nina Kova that grab your attention though. Not only do they both look beautiful, they deliver the two most consistent and believable performances of the group. I realized around the half way point that I’d seen Leah in “Dorchesters Revenge” or “Dollface” as it goes by now *see review https://adamthemoviegod.com/dorchesters-revenge-the-return-of-crinoline-head-review/. Dorchesters was another decent low-budget, indie slasher flick so it’s nice to see Leah getting another role in the genre. I liked her dialogue and the line delivery, the character was very much like your everyday girl making her easy to root for. Nina Kova on the other hand, is a fresh face. Regardless of her only having acted in a handful of short films, I can tell you that she’s already beginning to showcase her talent. Her Dawson and Joey (Dawson’s Creek reference there for those of you who maybe slept through the 90’s haha), will they won’t they seesaw with Justin worked nicely, and really displayed the best side of her character Sam.

Lastly, you probably want to know about the Action sequences and effects right? I don’t want to spoil anything for those who haven’t seen it, but I can safely say it delivers on my number one rule of always including the early kill to get the audience engaged. Two of the deaths were pretty inventive and nicely established. One involving a decoration and the other a popular snow item. The finale was a good payoff and it’s where most of the red stuff flows, you’ll be happy to know that everything was manufactured using practical effects too. If you watch the film that much should be clear, especially for fans of the genre but if not, keep a look out for a glimpse of the tubing that’s used to pump the blood. Ordinarily I would take issue with seeing something like that in the frame and say it’s lazy, however a couple of goofs here and there are to be expected when you’re working on such a small budget and limited time, I found it amusing all the same.

THE BAD

You’ll notice throughout my reviews I place a lot of emphasis on audio levels. Now I didn’t discuss them in this film, because I watched it on my computer and my speakers already have audio issues. Taking that into account I did notice there were a few inconsistencies, which often depended on how closely the actors were framed but for the most part, everything was fairly loud and clear. The Blu Ray will allow me to make a more informed judgement of that facet. A handful of external shots in the snow were problematic due to the sun being in the worst spot. I don’t know how much color correction was done on the film but the lighting was irregular from one frame to the next, especially during the sequences with Frank Fuller. Some shots the actors faces had a beam of light bouncing off them, the camera angle would change and then in the next frame it would be on the opposite side or removed all together. It’s a nit picky thing I know, given that this is a $16,000 film and I realize that, it’s just something I noticed and thought I’d mention. Some of the background music wasn’t the best or if it was a certain style of music it didn’t fit the moment. The songs I didn’t like became a distraction, the film may have benefited from incorporating some synth to help build the overall suspense instead.

I understand details of the talked about murders needed to be exposed in one way or another, but the inclusion of the local neighbor Frank was a dead-end. His interactions with the group felt forced, Mark and the girls reacted as though they knew who he was, didn’t ask any questions and just started carrying on a conversation with him. I suppose  ultimately it led them to becoming aware of what had taken place in their cabin, I would have just preferred it was uncovered via newspaper clippings or something similar to what Sam and Justin discover in the last act. The stuff with Frank ends up just being filler that adds to the body-count, he’s written out without any on-screen warning or a reference through dialogue. Unfortunately I don’t think Scott Seagren was the only person grasping at straws here because Marla Lanen as neighbor Joan, fell well short of her mark too. Her first conversation comes about with members of the group while they are unpacking the car. It felt stiff and rehearsed and not at all convincing (maybe partly on purpose but I’m not sure). As the film went along I noticed she failed to really project any personality. Regardless of what type of character you write, they have to possess certain qualities that make them watchable otherwise it just doesn’t work, as is the case here.

The first couple of deaths didn’t have the most fluent or rational setups either. I was thinking hey the killer would never make himself known in that way, and if you were approaching someone you didn’t know you’d probably be a little wary etc. A few small changes in the writing could have tidied some of those plot points up. It’s hard these days, in fact it’s almost impossible to devise an original look or feel of a killer because everything has been done before. Our mystery madman here is a cross between Leatherface and the Leatherface look-a-like from this years Slasher “Girlhouse”. I’m not sure if this film was conceived before the aformentioned but it’s difficult to not draw a comparison. That alone is not reason enough for me to disparage or denounce the film, but the lack of originality goes without saying and you have to critique that portion of the film accordingly. The only two aspects that took me out of this one were the insufficient amounts of blood and gore (at least in my mind) and the underplayed reactions, from everybody towards any and all events that take place in the latter part of the film.

Furthermore, I’ve come to understand the restrictions on the blood and gore front. Whether it be a censorship and ratings related issue, or simply budgetary constraints there never seems to be enough to satisfy me. Like I said, the effects you do get to see are nicely executed, and there’s a good flow of the red stuff albeit in bursts. For a film that only runs about 66 minutes minus the credits it works well enough, unfortunately the end result is not quite the bloodbath I was hoping for. The question I ask is more about the characters and in part some of the acting/writing. Where was the ability for any one of these people to react appropriately to something extremely horrific that they’ve seen. I don’t want to point fingers at the cast because surely it’s a writing issue. Just a few notes here, not a single scream made by any of the girls, no attempts to find the car keys and drive away, not even Justin can be phased by the headless friend lying face down (well sort of haha) in the snow. Instead he opts to keep calm because things haven’t really escalated yet… okay then. You can’t have a film of this nature without the token freak out moment from at least one character, yet somehow no one ever does. You probably thought I was going to complain about the lack of nudity right?? Well there’s that too, but that’s okay I can deal. Characters reactions or lack there of I can’t, and unfortunately that dampens my overall experience.

Dismembering Christmas was a short, snappy and entertaining holiday themed, Slasher flick. A majority of the technical aspects were so professionally carried, made all the more impressive by the age and experience levels of Bosley and this entire group. The film looks and sounds great, the girls are gorgeous and most of the cast do their bit. The brisk running time, inclusion of a couple of inventive kills along with a fun finale make it worth your while. As I mentioned earlier, I would have loved to see a total bloodbath but I get that $16,000 in the greater scheme of movie making is chump change. A few sequences could have been re-written or dropped entirely to tidy it all up, and dare I say a couple of characters recast (my opinion obviously). Everyone needs to bring their A game in regards to their reactions, and in this one they just don’t. Whether that be because of writing or experience I’m not sure, perhaps it’s something to think about for future projects. I love Kevin’s work and this whole team of friends and acquaintances involved with Slasher Studios. Someone please give these guys some damn money! They are so talented and I think I can speak for all genre fans when I say, we as a community would love to see what they could do with a budget. Nice work guys!

My rating for “Dismembering Christmas” is 6.5/10

SUSPIRIA

THE SETUP

This is a review for the 1977 Horror/Mystery film “Suspiria”. Directed by Italian born, Dario Argento starring Jessica Harper, Stefania Casini, Alida Valli and Joan Bennett. Suspiria follows the story of Suzy Bannion, a young American girl on a Ballet scholarship in Germany. Upon her arrival, she witnesses a girl in distress attempting to leave the academy. The next morning she’s informed by Madame Blanc (Bennett) the head of the academy, that the troubled student she’d seen the night before had been violently murdered and the police were now beginning an investigation. Suzy finds a way to settle into her routine and ends up befriending another girl named Sara (Casini). Together, they do some investigating of their own coming to the realization that the school may be a front for something supernatural and sinister. Argento made a name for himself in the 70’s and 80’s with his avant-garde style of film making, giving audiences something very different for the genre. I’ve only seen a couple of his films “Deep Red” and “Tenebre”, both of which I found very stylized but lacking substance. Suspiria has been hailed as one of the greatest Horror films of all time, let’s see if that’s true shall we.

THE GOOD

The two distinct things on show as Suspiria’s first act plays out are how crisply everything looks, and how brilliantly crafted the shots are. As well as the vibrant color palette on display that decorates and lights everything. The desired effect was to go cinematic, so there’s a lot of wide shots and gentle panning and it looks great. Whenever there’s a conversation taking place that might involve an important revelation, a gentle zoom is applied. The aerial shots are another interesting choice. There’s a voyeuristic and slightly surreal sequence where Suzy and Sara are swimming, and the camera focuses on the stillness of the water, it’s very effective. Argento’s screenplay is carefully structured and quite subtle. It relies on audiences using their imaginations to paint a picture, not giving you the typical on-screen shock value or telegraphed jump scares you may be used too. The opening few scenes help to set the tone perfectly. As Suzy arrives at the airport, you hear a nice light synth score that steadily builds as she heads out the door and jumps in a cab to make her way to the dance school. Accompanying that opening piece of music, is an extremely effective use of red. Red lights seeping through the windows into the terminal, as well as reflections, from what I guess are probably cars or traffic light beams. Suzy is denied access to the school initially because there’s no one around to verify who she is, so she gets back in the taxi and leaves. Following the scene, a score starts to build with a heavy focus on drum and bass, clearly designed to give you that unsettling feeling that you know something climactic is about to happen.

The set design and the look of the academy is very unusual and original, it definitely broke new ground for its time. The only other Director with such an innovative aesthetic approach around that time was Stanley Kubrick (A Clockwork Orange and Lolita). It’s clear established filmmakers like David Lynch, and more recently Nicolas Winding Refn (Only God Forgives), got their inspiration at least in part from Dario’s technique. The architecture here is old and the tone of Suspiria is an odd fusion, made up of equal parts mythology, fairy-tale and superstition. He makes the most of the one location majority of the film takes place in. As you enter the building there’s a large foyer, with a gradually winding staircase. At the top, there’s a corridor with dorm rooms leading off it where students of the academy stay. There are other areas that feature prominently, they include the change room and the main ballroom. Every one of them have their own unique style. Suzy spends a brief period bunking with Olga, another one of the young girls at the school. Her walls and floor are decorated almost entirely with black and white flower wallpaper (as can be seen above), reminding me of something out of a fairy tale. The rest of the building is heavily coated with red’s, pink’s and purples making it look rather tacky, but in certain light it can seem elegant.

Suspiria is measured in its storytelling and the narrative creeps to a culmination. With the exception of an intense opening, only snippets of action can be seen in the rest of the film. The special effects shown all seem to have been achieved practically, and given it was 1977 that’s pretty impressive in and of itself. The blood is fairly thick and the color is almost like a red children’s paint, but it works in the confines of the internal flair of the house. The last act of the film has some of the best visuals I’ve seen in any film in a long time. The distinctive changes in how each of the areas are lit, along with the colors that are used, make for a visual spectacle. As the film gradually becomes more intense so does the music and the rapid transformation of color. The wall  you see before the finale kicks in was truly something (those of you who’ve seen it know what I’m talking about).

THE BAD

In the early stages of the film I thought some of the editing was quite abrupt, which highlighted what I originally thought were continuity issues. During the infamous suicide scene, I noticed some of the transitioning between frames lost a primary reference point, therefore the spacial awareness to everything in the scene confused me. I’ve read that Argento purposely clipped specific scenes and lengthened others to try to rattle the viewer. The technique works well in the latter part of the film but early on it felt like a burden. I didn’t know a lot of details surrounding the plot of Suspiria, so bye the end I was a bit disappointed with the mystery part of the film. Early on I picked a couple of the characters that I thought might be involved in the questionable activity, and that foiled some of the impact when it came to the final revelations. The script definitely isn’t perfect, but I’m aware that some of my objections would probably be more relevant if this wasn’t almost 40 years old. Shortly after Suzy begins to suspect something untoward is going on, she begins to feel delirious and collapses during a lesson. It’s played pretty over dramatically and comes off looking quite silly, although I’m sure they didn’t think that at the time. Much to my surprise, everyone seems very relaxed given the coincidental and strange events that happen in the first half of the film. It’s only when further investigating is done that people wake up and smell the coffee (so to speak).

The set design, with the walls having a door drawn on and steps heading in different directions reminiscent of something like Alice In Wonderland or Snow White.

Suzy and Sara mention very early on they need to find out where the teachers and head of the academy go after lights out. All students are told the staff don’t reside in the boarding house section of the academy, yet Suzy notices a pattern in the footsteps that suggests otherwise. They talk about investigating but nothing more comes of it, at least for a while. It’s not until several other mysterious events occur that Suzy seeks help from a friend. Other than the police arriving the morning after the murder to ask some brief questions, no one does anymore official investigating. The detectives are written out of the story without warning. Now that’s not necessarily a problem because it can help to progress the story, and in this case it does but I hoped they would at least use them in mounting the body count. I would have thought some more investigating should have been done earlier to make it feel more realistic. The standard of acting isn’t bad taking into account the time period. However, several interactions between Suzy and the staff feel pretty casual but on the other hand her scenes with Sara feel too stiff. Harper’s concerned facial expressions  resemble those made on any soapie in years gone by and don’t help you engage.

Even though the score sounds wonderful, most of the time it’s exceptionally loud in the mix. On several occasions it begins to mount with severe bass and deep drum/percussive sounds which are unbearable for more than a few seconds. After doing some reading on the subject, I now understand Argento’s intentions with building the score in that manner. Unfortunately I had the surround sound on and nearly went deaf in the process of watching the film and that bothered me. It would have done wonders to the overall result if the music had been pulled back a notch. On another note (pardon the pun), the suspense ends up feeling telegraphed because anytime said music intensifies you know something is about to go down. It’s so loud that you feel like the characters in the film are supposed to be hearing it, which they’re not. Another interesting bit of information I found out afterwards was that Argento purposely played, obnoxiously loud music on the set to help the cast get into character. In my opinion the volume levels are the film’s biggest hindrance and hurt what would have otherwise been a terrifying film (I guess some still say it is).

I was pleasantly surprised by Suspiria. The key to this was I got the much-needed substance found lacking in a couple of Argento’s other films. Visually this has to be one of the best, if not the best Horror film ever made. The cinematography and shot choices are meticulously crafted, and not a single frame is wasted. The diverse lighting juxtapose with the frenzied soundtrack (from the experimental band “Goblin”), is what generates most of the tension. The brief moments of action and their practical effects are well executed. On top of that, the subtle nuances throughout the script and the last revelation help to finish the film off on the same high note it began with. A few technical issues needed to be tidied up in the editing room, namely those overbearing volume issues. The same can be said for the missed opportunities in the script, such as following up a deeper investigation into the murder, as well as carrying out some better looking choreography. Harper’s movements and facials aren’t perfect, but she’s still likable and most of the supporting cast are solid. Even with my reservations, I thoroughly enjoyed Suspiria and I would definitely recommend it to those who like the stylized films of Stanley Kubrick, David Lynch and David Cronenberg.

My rating for “Suspiria” is 7/10

THE BLACK TAPE

THE SETUP

Firstly, I ‘d just like to say thanks to Writer/Director Ramone Menon, for allowing me early access to his directorial debut “The Black Tape”, before its official release in October. It’s part Horror, part Crime/Mystery and was shot for an estimated $50,000. The Black Tape is about Alana and Robert Wilson (played by Elina Madison and Allen Marsh), along with their three children Stephanie, Paul and Mary (Melanie Thompson, Parker Coppins and Viktoria Paje). They live in a quite neighborhood in suburbia America, but their world is turned upside down when an intruder breaks in planning to document a home murder film. The film also stars Bryan Jackson and Cassi Ellis. I contacted Ramone after I saw a teaser trailer that looked quite different. I’m a big fan of the Home Invasion sub-genre and am always on the look out for something new and unique.

THE GOOD

Concept’s similar to The Black Tape have been covered before, but I liked that Ramone made you believe this could have been just a random tape that anyone could find. Not until the end does anyone’s name associated with the film actually pop up. As you can see on the above poster artwork, its been shot, cut, scored and sequenced by its fictitious maker and that’s an original marketing campaign so to speak. We are shown a disclaimer at the beginning telling us what we’re about to watch hasn’t been doctored in any way. From the outset I was impressed by the clarity in the dialogue. It’s made all the more impressive by the style in which the film is shot. The viewer spends most of the running time watching from the Intruders POV (point of view). They often have a camera with them while they are stalking the family, all of that footage was pretty well shot. At our core, we all have that voyeuristic nature in us. We want to know what’s behind the door or what people’s secrets are. Ramone takes that approach in The Black Tape and it offers up its fair share of eerieness and paranoia. My perception of the intent here, seemed to be to add some artistic flare to what might have otherwise been your typical home invasion caper. After seeing the film, I can’t help but think a more straight forward approach would have been the correct route.

The problem I found, were to many comparisons between this and a favorite film of mine titled “388 Arletta Avenue”. Stylistically they’ve traveled some of this ground already and even explored comparable themes in the aforementioned. This even paralleled the game of requests played in Bryan Bertino’s second-rate “Mockingbird” released late last year. The platform for the film is a decent one, but I was hoping it would go in another direction. The orchestral part of the score felt like a classic Horror film, and it heightened the level of insecurity you would have if put in a similar situation. The performances varied from tolerable to quite good. Elina Madison features quite heavily, especially in the second half of the film and she brings a certain amount of emotion to whats otherwise, a very one-dimensional character. Marsh is okay, he does enough with what’s on paper unfortunately Stephanie, the teenage daughter who just so happens to have the most interesting character arc, doesn’t get any real memorable screen time. I liked the inclusion of a faceless figure who appears to us on the tape, holding up signs revealing what the upcoming scenes may hold. If you get a bit confused with some of the plot details just wait, all will make sense come the end. The closing scenes were a nice touch but I won’t spoil what may, or may not be a twist.

THE BAD

Most of the technical things I didn’t agree with in the film were due to personal preference, it wasn’t anything Ramone did or didn’t do. For example, some of the score reminded me of Patrick Doyle’s music in “Sleuth”, which is one of my favorite films (the 2007 version). It sounded nice here but there’s no real cat and mouse game going on and it ends up feeling out-of-place. Same goes for the lighting. There’s an overuse of the blue and red palette that alter the tone, making this feel surreal when it’s not supposed to be. In any other themed film those sorts of layouts would highlight it. Some of the sound effects used during an attempted shock moment, were either implemented prematurely or you couldn’t see enough of what was happening to get the context. The mystery Intruder seemed far more sinister before they decided to start conversing with The Wilson’s. Once an agenda came to the surface albeit a fluff one, the raspy whispering from a feminine sounding voice on the end of the telephone telling the family what to do, had little to no sway in creating any sense of trepidation. As the situation between the mystery intruder and the family escalates, Robert, the man of the house contemplates not doing anything to potentially save a loved one. The viewer knows that’s never going to actually happen, and Why won’t it happen? Because it’s probably never happened before and wouldn’t be plausible if it did. Our loved ones are exactly that, and for a reason. That sequence of a supposed struggle could have been done away with completely because we knew the outcome.

The editing on the tape was sloppy, but for all intents and purposes I’m sure it was part of the fictional directors vision. However it still didn’t make for an easy watch, even less so when combined with high frequency grating sound effects. The Black Tape is more of a challenge to watch than it should be. Not for any obvious reason (at least to this viewer), it’s all revealed out of sequence, making some of the inner workings of the plot difficult to follow. Ramone could have incorporated a few scenes of the Intruder setting up some of their cameras and equipment. Yes that’s right, I forgot to mention that sections of the film play out on stationary cameras, like security would use. Initially I thought it was just a continuity issue and the intruder put the camera down, but it’s clear someone had to have placed all those cameras in the house when the family weren’t home. The identical plot point was used in “388 Arletta Avenue”. There were many scenes that had plenty of potential for suspense but never ended up reaching any great heights. Softening the blow somewhat, was the addition of some practical effects and an eventful finale. A motive out in the open for everyone to see isn’t always crucial to the success of these types of films. In many cases it depends on the level of character development, the amount of action or even who the film centers on. The Black Tape needed something more, there’s a missing piece of the puzzle here I just can’t put my finger on what it is.

Ramone couldn’t have known the expectations I had built up in my mind for The Black Tape. Even if he did I don’t think he could have ever fully met them, because I expect a fair bit (haha). It was difficult not to draw a lot of comparisons between this and the extremely underrated “388 Arletta Avenue”. Ramone’s film has a few distinctive differences in the way scenes transition and the overall presentation that are worth noting. The camera work and audio are both very well executed given this is his first time making a film. The actors/actresses were serviceable taking into account the limited details of their respective characters, and the finale helped finish things on a good note. Unfortunately, I don’t think a lot of the artistic choices they made fit the tone of a film like this. When coupled with some rapid editing, in a story told out of chronological order you can see how it’d be easy to lose your audience. There were some opportunities missed in relevance to the setup in act one, along with ideas that weren’t fully fleshed out later in the film. There’s some good building blocks here for future projects, so be sure to check this out when it’s released. Thanks again Ramone!

My rating for “The Black Tape” is 5/10

 SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE

THE SETUP

Firstly, I’d just like to say thank you to Writer/Director Matthew Kister, for allowing me to view an online screener of his Horror Anthology film “Shivers Down Your Spine” prior to its official release. He’s been a lifelong fan of Horror and formed his own production company called Dead Lantern Pictures with a group of his friends. Shivers Down Your Spine is a ten part anthology, that explores a host of different sub-genres including Spirits, Serial Killers and Vampires. An estimated fifty actors/actresses from Nebraska worked on the film, which took over four years to make on a combined $750. This is pure do it yourself indie film making, that saw a collection of people come together and achieve a common goal. It’s difficult to properly critique a film made up of so many segments, so what I’ll do is give you a rundown of what each short entails followed by an overall rating for each, and then a complete total rating.

OUT OF THE LAMP

Out Of The Lamp is the wraparound segment in Shivers Down Your Spine. It cuts back and forth before and after every story, as well as being the opening and closing of the film. Jeff (played by Steve Eaton) is sitting at home getting ready to microwave some pizza, when he finds a gold teapot/gravy boat (I forget which haha). After a quick rub (no pun intended) it unleashes the sexy genie that is Sabihah (the lovely Megan Shepard). Jeff is granted the obligatory three wishes but unlike most people, doesn’t want for the typical possessions. Instead he asks Sabihah to tell him some of her best stories, stories that are what the audience ends up seeing. The genie/Bollywood style score that plays when Sabihah appears and then vanishes was cool. The audio was pretty clear and the camera work simple but smart. On one occasion, Jeff breaks the fourth wall to confirm what the audience already knows, but it was done so in a self-aware style, a device I don’t mind. On top of that the short use of visual effects is well executed. The only let down here was that although some of the dialogue was humorous, some of the language felt unnecessary. Eaton’s delivery was a little scripted for my liking, while on the other hand Megan projected plenty of personality (didn’t hurt that she got partially naked either, and then Jeff had to ruin it haha).

7/10

DEADBOLT

Deadbolt is an 8 minute short about a girl named Cora (Jenny Chambers), whose settling in for a night of watching movies on Halloween. She just broke up with her boyfriend and now someone keeps ringing her doorbell interrupting the movie. Could it be him messing with her? Or something different all together? Deadbolt used its bass orientated score to perfection, it was very neatly edited and well-lit too. The aspects I enjoyed most about it were Jenny’s consistent acting, and Matt’s seemingly intentional nods to Wes Craven’s “Scream”. The movie night, the phone call and of course the popcorn, it’s all there. However I still found the audio levels were inconsistent and I didn’t like the amount of dutch angles that were used (tilting camera side on). Cora’s fall towards the end wasn’t choreographed realistically enough, and the sudden change in tone seemed out-of-place. The visual effects weren’t quite of the same standard as “Out Of The Lamp” either.

5.5/10

BIRTHDAY DINNER

Birthday Dinner is a 7 minute short starring Eric Moyer and Michelle Schrage. A husband and wife are sitting down at their dinner table, enjoying a birthday barbecue. The Man has a discussion with his wife about why their daughter wasn’t allowed to attend her own birthday party. Birthday Dinner’s audio levels were better than the previous segment. The camera work was sharp and the transitioning between the two characters dialogue was seamless. It’s really well-edited and Moyer delivers his lines with passion, and in such a way that his true intent remains unclear until the closing stages. Saying that, if you’re like me and have seen similar concepts explored in other films, you’ll probably find this one a little predictable.

8.5/10

I DREAM OF DJINNI

I Dream Of Djinni is a 15 minute short film about Robert (Jesse Hapke), a guy living on a disability pension with nothing to show for himself. He receives a package from a delivery man (Kevin Casey), which turns out to be the same teapot Jeff found in the first segment. It releases Djinni (played by Megan Shepard again), and Robert gets his three wishes. He wishes for the ideal women that can fulfill all of his needs, but he gets a lot more than he bargained for with the “young girl” played by gorgeous Taylor Melone. This one managed a consist audio level and simple but effective camera work. I liked that you could see the DVDs in the lounge room of the house that this was filmed in, as well as the reference to the postal service being a “low-budget” company (showcasing this groups love of films). Djinni’s lines were a bit rough but Megan’s sense of humor shone through. There were some audio issues in between the editing where sound cut out all together. I couldn’t get on board with the Robert character and the end, although darkly comedic was a bit too weird for me.

5.5/10

A BAD HEART

A Bad Heart is a 15 minute short about Jane (played by Christina Olson), who was stabbed in the heart by her boyfriend Ray Foster, aka “The Cupid Killer” on valentine’s day (Mark Popejoy). It’s one year on and Jane decides it’s time to get back into the dating scene. She meets a young guy called Peter (Dailen Cowden). On the surface things seem normal, but suspicions arise that he may have a bad heart so to speak. Once again, it seems Matt managed to improve the consistency in the audio as the filming of this progressed. A Bad Heart had a unique and disturbing concept, and for me that was the best part about it. Unfortunately again there’s an overuse of dutch shots, most notably in the restaurant and I found it off-putting. Majority of the framing is too close as well. Cowden’s line delivery felt a bit stiff and the chemistry between him and Olson wavered at times. I didn’t understand why Ray didn’t just kill Jane. Including an extra scene explaining how she got away, or revealing why he didn’t kill her would have been good.

5/10

LAST BREATH

Last Breath is a 10 minute psychological short about Beth (played by my new crush, the stunning Jazmyne Van Houten), is sitting at home questioning her boyfriend Greg’s (Will Griffey) ability to be faithful. So much time to run through scenarios can’t possibly be good for your health, and for Beth’s it’s not. Aesthetically Last Breath is one of the best shorts of the bunch. The camera work is methodically executed, with a particular attention on panning. There’s many clever focus shots that keep with the story’s psychological analysis theme. I love the complementary piano ballad that’s playing, as well as the unprecedented twists that are revealed later. It’s really Jazmyne that kept me watching though. Not only is she naturally stunning, she puts on an honest and endearing front. Other than executing slightly more realistic choreography that could have involved some timely movements and more of a struggle, this one is great.

9/10

CONVENTION GIRL

Convention Girl is an 8 minute horror short about David (T.J Roe), whose life has just been thrown into turmoil after killing a prostitute (played by Ali Aguilar), in his hotel room after a horror convention, or has he? The film also stars Steve Eaton as David’s friend Justin. I thought the black and white, flashback sequence showing David’s first interaction with the prostitute was a nice touch. It was great to finally see a practical, latex prosthetic and some decent looking blood. It’s disappointing that once again the over the top language feels like a hindrance. Don’t get me wrong profanity itself doesn’t bother me, but it has to have context in the storytelling. Right off the bat, I couldn’t take Roe’s performance seriously. He played it sounding like Kip from “Napoleon Dynamite”, now I love Kip but not in this environment. I never felt like these guys were in the dire situation they’re supposed to be selling , consequently I found Convention Girl the weakest in the anthology.

4/10

WHISPERING BOARD

Whispering Board is an 11 minute short about three sorority sisters Bryce, Tiffany and Alexis (played by Chianna, Julia Farrell and Jazmyne Van Houten), who use a whispering board to try to contact a recently deceased boyfriend. In the search for answers, secrets come to the surface and threaten to destroy the trio’s friendship. Both the audio and camera work were great here. There’s a lot of gentle zooming, nice shot selection and reactive editing. This is a story in which mood lighting can, and does enhance the desired effect. All the girls are lovely and the dynamic of their friendships feel real. The acting is solid all around but it’s Chianna who hones her character the best, achieving multiple facial reactions that are fitting to her character of Bryce. The only thing I would have liked to see done differently, was some better on-screen impact hits during the action sequences. The aftermath looks nice but practical blood sprays would have been far more rewarding.

8/10

SHORTLY AFTER NIGHTFALL

Shortly After Nightfall is where this anthology takes a turn in veering away from the familiar, Horror sub-genres and into a crime short that lasts 12 minutes. Risk for reward sometimes works as is the case here. Josh (played by Justin Milani) is a private eye/hitman who while on a job, gets wrapped up in a mysterious murder investigation at a motel. It also stars Kevin Casey, Danielle Brookshire and Rose Johnson. I knew from the moment Shortly After Nightfall faded in I was going to dig it. With its exquisite black and white photography rain begins to pour, as our private eye drives down the road on-route to his next job. This noir short inspired by the style of “The Maltese Falcon”, looks and sounds amazing. Milani’s narration comes as second nature to him, and his character of Josh more than looks the part. The bass heavy score works like a treat and the screenplay has a hint of “Vacancy” about it. I enjoyed the eventual outcome and sudden turn in action. The climax appeared to have involved practical effects but I can’t be sure. If that was the case, I’m very impressed with that last sequence. The audio in a few places needed editing, mostly in transitioning between frames. Josh’s modern car was the only thing that took me out of what was otherwise a 1940’s, style film.

9/10

A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY

A Christmas Horror Story is the last and longest segment of the anthology, running 15 minutes. It’s an 80’s inspired, slasher short about a group of stereotypical teenagers who are decorating a theater on Christmas Eve, while a crazed Santa is on the loose. Each of the actors here played their stereotypes perfectly, one of the most memorable being Steve (Dailen Cowden), the douche bag who fancies himself with the ladies. Cowden delivers his lines with great comedic timing and cheesy diction, overall a much improved effort on his work in “A Bad Heart”. Jazmyne Van Houten makes yet another appearance, and personally I thought this was her best. She’s got the 80’s, pop princess Cyndi Lauper look down. Looking sexy as hell, Sporting the tight, bright blue spandex shorts and pink headband. She plays Melissa, the popular girl who chews gum and likes to dance while walking around with her headphones on. A special mention of Ted Perez is in order. He plays Jerry, the boss of the theater and his one liners were pure gold, hilarious stuff.

The clothing and music are clearly representative of the 80’s and 90’s. I think it’s Billy? (Jim Brodhagen), that’s rocking the “Weekend At Bernies” meets Vanilla Ice look, and Lauren (Kerrie Smith) wears one of those holiday sweaters most notably worn by characters in “Home Alone”. The audio is nice and clear and the choice to shoot this in the style of a bad, shot on video film was clever. Not only does Brodhagen act, he also composed the fantastic synth music that can be heard throughout ACHS. Below is a link to the main theme be sure to check it out, it’s so gnarly 80’s!! My only criticism here was that the revelation of the “killer” didn’t have much impact, and I envisioned brutal kills and elaborate effects that I didn’t quite get. Still, on such a micro budget “A Christmas Horror Story” is truly impressive. The film also stars Cody McDowell and Dale Schumacher Jr.

9/10

There’s great fun to be had with “Shivers Down Your Spine” (pardon the pun) if you’re a fan of anthology flicks. For a total of less than $1,000, this is low-budget film making at it’s absolute finest. I thought at least six of these ten films ranged from very good to excellent, and we got diversity and experimentation. Even the three or four less memorable parts still have their place and don’t feel to far removed. Keep an open mind, others may enjoy them more than I did. Matthew Kister, his cast, and his crew have created a very even anthology and that’s difficult in of itself, made all the more impressive given the aforementioned budget. “Shortly After Nightfall”, “Last Breath” and “A Christmas Horror Story” take the cake for me hell, they probably take the whole damn bakery. I can’t wait to see Kister’s next film, a full length feature called “The Eyes Of Isabelle”. Do yourself a favor and buy a copy of Shivers Down Your Spine as soon as it becomes available, and check out the link to Jim’s music below the review.

My rating for “Shivers Down Your Spine” is 7/10

BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA

THE SETUP

1986. It wasn’t just the birth year of yours truly, it was a year that saw the release of many box office hits like, “Top Gun”, “Aliens” and “Pretty In Pink”. “Big Trouble In Little China” an Action/Adventure/Comedy directed by, already established filmmaker John Carpenter was released the same year. Though It wasn’t until years later that the film gained notoriety, and somewhat of a cult status among audiences. The film was initially poorly promoted, and marketers didn’t really know how to sell it, which led to extremely average ticket sales. I only recently saw the film and heard about the upcoming remake, set to star Dwayne Johnson as the All-American truck driver, Jack Burton. So in preparation for the remake I thought a review for the original was on the cards. Big Trouble In Little China is about Jack Burton (played by Kurt Russell), a trucker hauling a load headed for Chinatown in San Francisco. After a friendly game of poker with Restaurant owner Wang Chi (Dennis Dun), Jack accompanies Chi to the airport, he’s supposed to be meeting his green-eyed fiancée, Miao Yin (Suzee Pai). One thing leads to another, and Miao is kidnapped by a Chinese street gang. Jack and Wang soon learn of a centuries old curse, about a powerful and evil sorcerer called Lo Pan (James Hong). Lo Pan can’t exist without a physical body, and to break the curse and free himself, he must marry Miao whose not only a green-eyed woman, but the chosen one. Together with the help of Gracie, a lawyer (played by Kim Cattrall), a friend Eddie Lee (Donald Li) and sorcerer Egg Shen (Victor Wong), the group face a world of wizardry magics, monsters and martial arts in the hopes of saving Wang’s wife.

THE GOOD

Prior to this, Carpenter had made a bunch of really great Horror films. The likes of “Halloween”, “The Thing” and “Christine”. He’d experimented with a bit of action in “Escape From New York” and “Assault On Precinct 13”, but hadn’t ventured into comedy or anything more on the light-hearted side. He didn’t write Big Trouble and that doesn’t surprise me, but to come on board in a genre that’s out of your comfort zone takes guts. The poster is catchy and the screenplay is a lot of fun. Its nothing that’s meant to be taken too seriously. This feels like it’s channeling the likes of “Flash Gordon” or other 80’s films like “Eliminators”. Jack Burton could even be a distant relative to Roddy Piper’s character “Sam Hell” from the 1988 film “Hell Comes To Frogtown”, or visa versa. They’re both Patriotic Americans that fancy themselves as ladies men. The consequences of their sudden removal from familiar habitats, is often comedic and makes for entertaining viewing.

This is really well shot and most of the sequences are complemented by a great use of sound. There were over twenty people who worked on the sound design, everything has its place and feels authentic. There are a few fluff scenes of filler here and there, but most of the dialogue aids in the progression of the characters story lines. Jack spouts off some rather corny, pseudo intellectual lessons about life, but still manages a couple of memorable one liners which feel true to the character, unlike the other stuff. The fight choreography was surprisingly impressive. Most of the sequences look good and it’s nice to see another film from the days where it wasn’t always about shooting unrelenting, visceral on-screen violence just having fun. The special effects are pretty hokey but everything was pretty lame in 1986, so it goes with the time period and themes of the film (haha). The use of smoke and lasers were the standout visuals. There’s an action sequence towards the end of the film, involving the “Thunder” character that got a little messy. It mostly took place off-screen but it was done practically and looked decent.

The two aspects that impressed me the most in Big Trouble In Little China, were the nice mix of 80’s Rock and Synth based music, along with the film’s wonderful set design. There’s a reason many current film’s are being scored primarily using synth, because it’s effective and it holds nostalgic appeal. Nicolas Winding Refn and Adam Wingard are just a couple of directors, with synth orientated scores in their films. In the beginning, Carpenter gave life to it all with “Halloween” and “The Thing”, so it should come as no surprise that he also scored this film and that’s a huge part of the reason it sounds great. The set design is awesome too. Although the sequencing and change in location for certain plot revelations often feels re-hashed, the minor things in each frame are important and attention to detail was a highlight. We get a lot of ancient statues and artifacts from Chinese history, along with a very oriental color scheme in most of the internal locations. Tunnel systems are covered with dredge and cobwebs and carefully lit, the underwater cave with raw skeletons floating in it was a nice addition as well.

 THE BAD

Big Trouble In China’s lighthearted nature lends itself to a few average performances, including Kim Cattrall’s. Some of the secondary cast aren’t the most believable in their roles either, projecting jubilant attitudes and given the situation it’s a bit of a stretch. There’s a hypnosis scene aimed to be the catalyst in Lo Pan sealing the deal with his potential bride. I found it rather unintentionally comedic, especially when the Thunder character (I think it was), begins to levitate both Miao and Gracie onto a bar of some sort. Credibility wears a little thin when the Chinese gang are able to kidnap Miao in the beginning of the film. I doubt you’d get into the airport with a weapon on you, luckily it’s 1986 though so I suppose security wasn’t as tight. I found a lot of the finer points involving the centuries old curse quite confusing. The feud between the two gangs in the opening act didn’t seem to have much bearing on anything else. I understood that Lo Pan was able to use magics to make himself seem present, but the curse didn’t allow him to actually take corporal form until the ceremony was complete. I must have missed the details on why Lo Pan was cursed and who actually cursed him. It might been revealed in the scene where Lo Pan is in his current old and frail form.

 For what was supposed to be primarily an Action/Adventure film, it failed to deliver anything fresh. Now I don’t mean fresh in the sense of showing us something we haven’t seen before, more that once you’ve seen the group navigating one of these subterranean caves or oriental shrines, you’ve seen them all. After about an hour things start to feel re-cycled and stale, characters are just going through the motions and only stopping to rework their approach in gaining access to the “wedding”, when something or someone impedes them. I would’ve liked to see a bit more action, some more gun play and a few over the top escapism sequences. Something along the lines of “Kill Bill” meets “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”. Instead, this one ends up feeling like a one trick pony.

Big Trouble In Little China isn’t one of Carpenters best films, but it’s still a fun and unique one all the same. Jack Burton is an entertaining character, the Rock and Synth soundtrack is brilliant and all the set design is of a high quality too. There’s a bunch of fun sequences and cool one liners, unfortunately it echoes a constant freeze and re-group scenario that quickly becomes a burden to the pacing of the film. Some more diversity in unfolding sequences, an increase in action and clearer story revelations would have significantly raised the bar in warranting multiple viewings.

My rating for “Big Trouble In Little China” is 6.5/10

FINAL GIRL

THE SETUP

This is a review of first time Director, Tyler Shields film “Final Girl”, which comes out on DVD and Blu Ray this September. Final Girl is an Action/Thriller film in the vein of “Hannah” and “Eden Lake”. A man (played by Wes Bentley), has spent over a decade teaching Veronica (Abigail Breslin), a young orphaned girl how to become a killing machine. When she turns 18, she will be given the task of a hunting and killing a group of Sadistic young men. Led by the charismatic and confident Chris (Alexander Ludwig), the foursome hunt and kill blondes for sport, it’s up to Veronica to teach these boys a lesson. The film also stars Logan Huffman from TV’s “V”, Cameron Bright (The Butterfly Effect), Reece Thompson and Emma Paetz.

THE GOOD

Much to my surprise, Shields lack of experience hasn’t clouded his vision when it came to casting the right people for the job. Abigail Breslin is such a young talent. Most of us have watched her on the big screen for well over a decade, it should come as no surprise that in her age bracket, she’s one of Hollywood’s best. Wes Bentley is a wonderful character actor and has managed to give life to some rather, one-dimensional characters over the years. Both the “Man” and Veronica share a certain bond, they’ve spent so much time with each other that it’s almost become like a father/daughter unspoken love. The scenes they share are bold and honest. When you have a contrast of the familiar safety and comfort she feels during training, to her interactions and experience with our psychotic group of 4, it makes for an intriguing struggle.

All the acting is top-notch and the dynamic between these four young socialites Chris, Danny, Shane and Nelson, confronts us with a multitude of emotions throughout the film. The surprise packet for me was Huffman, who plays Danny. He’s incredibly jovial, laughs like a hyena and loves his Dion and the Belmont’s style, Rockabilly 50’s blues music, and oh yeah he wields an axe too. Clearly channeling a bit of Patrick Bateman (American Psycho character), Logan’s zany performance elevates him in standing out from the bunch. Saying that, the other three characters are slightly more developed and the actors play them well too. The casting choices and performances are only half the battle in a film, it never truly pays off unless you have a well written script. Final Girl has three very clear acts, the first of which makes for a wonderful setup for events to come. There’s a tough balancing act when it comes to introducing and building your characters sufficiently, but not stalling or failing to keep the viewer interested enough to care about what’s happening. These writers built a foundation early, and then moved straight onto the “mouse trap” aspect of the film. The end delivers the most practical of outcomes, without becoming run of the mill, or predictable. If you take the best bits of “Hannah” and combine them with the forest aspect of “While She Was Out”, then add a touch of revenge from the underrated film “Julia X”, you’d have something pretty close to Final Girl.

The smooth editing and smart shot choices make for a really polished result. It’s accompanied by a nice mix, of suspense based score and the right amount of 50s/60s music. The lighting is the facet that really tipped the scales for me. I was in the minority with my opinions on this years popular Horror film “It Follows”. The one thing I felt stood out in that film was the particular mood it invoked. It’s much the same with Final Girl, the lighting and atmosphere are perfect. Everything from the woods which are lit very carefully, to the subtle fog that floats between the trees. Many of the shots are just faintly silhouetted and incredibly effective, its rare to see that kind of structure or attention to detail from a first time director. If not for a few small things I could have been tricked into thinking this was a film set in the 50’s. Chris’s old car, the local diner hang out where they drink their shakes and prey upon their next victim, it’s all very 50’s inspired. I think the fact that both women in the film wear Red and White helped to signify purity and innocence. White is a very natural and unsullied shade, on the other hand Red almost says “I’m not who you think I am”.

THE BAD

The character development is adequate given what the story entails, but I still would’ve liked to know a little more about Wes Bentley’s character. What was it he actually did? Was he an independent contractor of sorts, or did he work for a corporation? Is there a particular reason he chose Veronica? Like I said, they aren’t questions that have to be answered for you to enjoy the film, I just wanted more of an arc for him. The truth or dare sequences in the middle act could have been shortened. It wasn’t even that they ran overly long, it was more because other than some verbal jousting, not much is made of it. There’s also some mixed messaging in Chris’s delivery, although that may have been part of the cat and mouse game. Not to mention Veronica is never really made to suffer, and neither is the girl we first get a glimpse of early in the film. An extended sequence or two during the hunting scenes might have helped with a growing hatred toward these rich boys.

The hallucinogenic element, at least that’s what I’m calling it (without spoiling anything) was a little misplaced. The writing doesn’t give Veronica enough credit to take care of the situation on her own. She relies on that particular type of assistance and if she’s as well-trained as we’re led to believe, she should have gone at it alone. I thought those moments that were supposed to be darkly comedic didn’t quite gauge either. Instead, it would have been nice to see more of the action sequences and have these guys get what they really deserved. I know this isn’t “I Spit On Your Grave”, but it seemed like that revenge element of the film was over quite suddenly.

I was pleasantly surprised by Tyler Shield’s Final Girl, and I’m now looking forward to his new film “Outlaw”. What we have here is far from a unique story, but a proficiently paced and adeptly moody film none the less. Its three clear-cut entertaining acts, accurate camera work and some of the best music and lighting make this a standout film. The wonderful performances, and in particular from Breslin, Bentley and Huffman, along with all the 50’s inspired additions make Final Girl great. A bit more on-screen action and a few alterations to the script could have helped sharpened this one up. However, it’s still a wonderful film that unfortunately won’t be seen by the masses. These tend to fly under the radar so I thought I’d do a write-up and tell you to pick up a copy of this one as soon as you can!

My rating for “Final Girl” is 7.5/10

SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO!

THE SETUP

This week saw the highly anticipated (well, by those of us who love b-movies anyway), third installment in the “Sharknado” franchise, titled “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” released worldwide on the Syfy channel. Director, Anthony C Ferrante really didn’t hit the scene until 2013, It was with the so bad it’s good b-movie Sharknado. It became the most watched Syfy film in the channels history, and it even received a limited theatrical run. Now that in of itself is pretty impressive, but when you combine it with the $1 million budget and the marketing campaign that followed, you can’t help but be impressed. The film was received with mostly negative reviews from critics, probably because the experts expecting something like “Jaws” and of course that was never the intention. B movies are supposed to be bad. No one forced anybody to watch the film, yet millions of people tweeted characters one liners, interacted with the cast and crew through social media, and played drinking games with their friends while watching Sharknado. It wasn’t just a handful of people either, this thing went viral fast. Then last year Ferrante got us excited all over again with Sharknado 2: The Second One, which promised bigger and better things than what we’d already seen, and in the worst way possible it more than delivered (haha).

July 22nd 2015, Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! aired on the Syfy network. The now iconic Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering), has earned the highest of awards, for services to his country regarding the Sharknados. Fin is at the White house, and in the middle of receiving his medal from the President when a Sharknado hits. Meanwhile, his wife April (played by Tara Reid) is at Universal studios in Florida celebrating with Claudia on her birthday (played by Ryan Newman). Fin realizes the urgency of the situation and happens upon his old friend Nova (Cassie Scerbo), who it turns out has tracked Nados with her friend Lucas (Frankie Muniz), and killed sharks since they were in LA. Fin decides to travel along the West Coast with Nova and Lucas, to try to get to April and Claudia. Sharknado’s are running rampant everywhere and Fin’s dad, Gilbert Shepard who used to work for NASA (played by David Hasselhoff), might be the only one who can help stop it. The film also stars Mark Cuban, Bo Derek and Jack Griffo.

THE GOOD

Firstly, I like the fact Ferrante was able to keep the core cast together in this third chapter. It shows how big Sharknado has become, and how much fun everyone seems to have shooting these films. Ziering and Reid’s characters don’t seem like the most realistic of couples, but I like that throughout the series they’ve dealt with their fair share of drama and made it through the other side. Nova, played by Cassie Scerbo was one of my favorite characters in the original, and I was disappointed when she didn’t return for the sequel. I don’t know if Anthony had intentions of writing her back in or not, but clearly I wasn’t the only fan that wanted to see Nova again and I’m glad I got too. She’s a strong female character and she looks stunning to boot. Ryan Newman is new to the franchise as Claudia, it was Aubrey Peeples that played the role in the first. Ryan had a bit of cheek and played the part well, she also adds nicely to the eye candy, a beautiful girl indeed. The eye candy is always a plus but Sharknado has always been about our hero Fin. Ian takes the role quite seriously given the films ridiculous dialogue, and daft plot development. One might think it’s cheesy, which it is in a way but it also shows his commitment to doing the job properly even in a ludicrous film like this.

The introductory James Bond like sequence, that sees Shepard wielding his trusty chainsaw is a great way to kick things off. As is the animated drawings that go with the Sharknado theme song we all know and love. The action here gets started a lot earlier than the previous films, by throwing us out of the frying pan and into the fire. In my opinion it all happens a little too quickly though. Both the White House and Universal Studios make for more iconic locations the franchise can now lay claim to. Ferrante takes advantage of roller coasters, the Twister attraction and plenty of others. Sharknado 3 definitely has more blood and gore than the other two, most of which is unfortunately conceived with mediocre CG. We see plenty of bodies getting swallowed and chomped into bits though, and they look pretty good. On the other hand, opportunities to write a few more inventive kills and execute them practically weren’t taken. The highlight of the film for me was getting the chance to watch Frankie Muniz again. I was never a “Malcolm In The Middle” fan but I’ve always enjoyed Frankie’s films. He didn’t feature here as much as I would have liked, but the screen time he does get, (without spoiling anything), is memorable to say the least.

THE BAD

Up until now, technical aspects aren’t really something I’ve taken much issue with when it comes to the Sharknado franchise. I think you know what you’re going to see, and that’s part of the charm. We’ve all come to know what to expect from Sharknado or to be even more accurate, from anything the Syfy channel presents. I can deal with the poor visual effects component, the cheesy acting and even the predictable story lines. Surprisingly this time its the camera work that got to me. Most of the opening act’s, camera work was incredibly clunky or shaky when it didn’t need to be. Several pointless dutch angles (tilting the camera side on) were used for in-car shots, as well as poorly framed footage during some of the dialogue sequences. It all seemed very rushed, and it wouldn’t surprise me if I found out large portions of this weren’t story boarded beforehand. The editing is another problem. The first half of the film in particular never sticks with any one scene long enough to set up any development. One minute, April and her Mother are having a conversation about baby names, then suddenly Fin’s shooting up the White House and looking for an escape route. Seconds later Claudia is meeting up with a friend to go on a ride, while weather/news reporters fill us in on the Sharknado’s movements. Now I know people have short attention spans, but tone it back for a second or two and let the viewer catch their breath and find a reference point in this mess.

SHARKNADO 3: OH HELL NO! — Pictured: David Hasselhoff as Gilbert Shepard — (Photo by: Raymond Liu/Syfy)

Some of the acting is inconsistent, this time mostly from the cast appearing in cameos. I didn’t recognize half the people who had a scene this time around, they can’t be that famous. The few they did put an emphasis on, made little to no impact because there weren’t enough one liners. The ways in which each of them met their demise lacked any real impact too. This is the first time those scenes and funny moments have been totally uneventful and could have just been cut. In fact ninety percent of the comedy they went for here missed the mark. Anthony is normally spot on with his self-aware brand of humor, but this screenplay was oddly serious… well to a point. Chris Jericho just annoyed me, the news ladies were painful and Mark McGrath who featured heavily in number two, only had one very small scene, what a waste. As you would expect, Sharknado 3 has plenty of continuity issues as well. The storm effects and the process in which they escalate are incredibly rushed. There’s no depth to any of the sequences, nothing builds and therefore there’s no room for escapism which should be one of the key components in a movie like this. Some of the shots clearly looked like they were haphazardly done with green screen, yet others looked alright. When buildings like the Washington monument, and other historic landmarks are falling there’s no clarity. You can’t comprehend a scale for anything and it all ends up looking like uninspired, cheap visual effects.

I can at least see some merit in things that were attempted practically on the first two films, but not here. I’ve always been a firm believer that anything you can do practically, you probably should. I understand this isn’t a hundred million dollar film though so some CG is going to be used. There’s an issue when with the exception of a messy escape scene at the end, barely any practical blood or gore gets used. In a creature feature film I think that’s inexcusable. You’re making a b-movie, embrace it. Get down and dirty, have some fun and use some creativity, I really felt that was lacking in this third installment. At least the first had a cool, giant indoor pool sequence (more or less), that actually used a big practical shark. What’s stopping Anthony and he’s team making a big replica shark, at least one? and killing a few characters off with it. I know they did in a way, but using it as a stationary prop just isn’t the same. I’m not saying you should use it for everything, otherwise things would look much the same but try to include it where you can. I longed for some prosthetic pieces, latex limbs anything. Corn syrup and food coloring would do it (this stuff isn’t expensive or hard to come by people). I don’t know what the masses were expecting, but an absurd 20 minute sequence in space to close out the film is not what I had in mind. Objects not tied down should be floating around with the zero gravity thing, but aren’t. The spacesuits look like something your parents homemade, sowing kit concocted for your Grade school re-enactment of the landing on the moon. Everything about that part of the movie was just idiotic. The only saving grace is that I guess it gave an unusually, serious Hoff and his character of Gilbert a purpose. He did a solid job, but I, much like everyone else was hoping for a few Baywatch puns, but alas. We could have seen another huge and disgusting finish, but instead we get the door left ajar for a fourth film in the franchise.

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! is unfortunately just beating a dead horse, you may be thinking wait I didn’t see any horses don’t worry they were metaphorical, but not completely implausible. Horsenado could be the next mash-up. On a serious note, It’s great seeing the band back together but they came out with a less than stellar new album, and all we really wanted to hear were the classics. There’s one or two decent cameos, the girls look lovely and Fin continues to display mad skills with his chainsaw. It’s disappointing that the camera work made for such a difficult watch, the effects lacked scale/depth reference and there were continuity issues through what was an incredibly, out of left field final act. When you don’t even have a go at trying anything practical, or taking that five-minute drive to your local Costco for some syrup and food coloring, you start to lose my respect. It’s not always the case, but that saying two’s company and three’s a crowd, this time around I think they might be right because Sharknado might have just lost its charm.

My rating for “Sharknado 3” is 4.5/10

A FAVOR

THE SETUP

Firstly, I’d just like to say thank you to Izzy Lee, Director of the 10 minute short film “A Favor”, for allowing me early access to an online screener. After doing a bit of research, I found out that Izzy had a few credits to her name already. I found a short write-up for the film at DreadCentral.com and thought it sounded great. A Favor is about a guy named Jackson (played by Shaun Callaghan), who I must say resembles a heavier bearded, Ewan McGregor look a like (haha). Jack’s just microwaved his leftovers, and is preparing watch some TV on his day off. He’s quickly interrupted by an emergency phone call from Liz, who asks for his help with something. A Favor, begs the question, How far would you go to help a friend out? The film also stars Diana Porter and Jose Guns Alves. Over the last couple of years I’ve become a huge fan of the short film. A lot of people think of it as a waste, after all if someone has a good idea why not make it into a full length feature? It’s usually one of two things that stop that from happening. A: They didn’t have the funding or time, or B: they’re using the opportunity as a chance to test the waters before jumping in the deep end. Sometimes giving substance to a specific idea only requires telling a short story, as is the case here.

THE GOOD

The concept for A Favor is an interesting one, and there’s several different ways to approach a screenplay like this. This one just so happens to play out as a darker comedy, more so than a general Horror film. The house it takes place in made for a great setting, it’s an environment where you’d least expect malevolent behavior to be occurring. The audio is nice and clear, while the camera work is fluent with shot choices wisely sequenced. The editing is where Lee showcases her understanding of the technical aspects. Knowing how long to linger on a shot, or which way to cut said shot and how to reveal a revelation. Those finer points usually comes with more experience, but it seems she’s learnt very fast.

The low fi, synth soundtrack that plays in the background is a little generic, one might say. There’s nothing wrong with it, its more because of what we’ve come to know and love sound wise in the genre. Even though there are moments of dry comedy, the decision to avoid clunky and gimmicky, game show sound effects was a good one. There’s not a great deal of room for action sequences in just ten minutes, but the climax of the film does have some worthy blood and gore, which was also done practically.

THE BAD

I’m not sure I really need a heading, labelled “The Bad” when it comes to A Favor. My only selective hang up was that Izzy and Julie LeShane (the makeup effects artist), didn’t go all out with the blood and gore. I suppose that might take away from the films comedic tone that’s clearly on display. It’s just a personal preference of mine, being a lover of effects heavy films, I would have liked to see more than I did.

A Favor is the best short film I’ve seen since Bad Guy #2 *see review* https://adamthemoviegod.com/2015/06/14/bad-guy-2-review/. The comedic timing was on point, the aesthetics were very impressive and the finale depicted a humorous cycle of events. As I mentioned before, I would have enjoyed a bigger bloodbath but this one still manages to firmly stamp its mark in the short film category. Great stuff!!

My rating for “A Favor” is 9/10

RAWHEAD

THE SETUP

Firstly, I’d just like to say thanks to Co-Directors, Roger Sampson and Aaron Sparks for allowing me early access to their 9 minute, short film “Rawhead”. This is the third installment in what will be the Anthology “Forces of Horror Volume 1”. You can see the two reviews I’ve done for “Revelations” and “The Jones”, which were both very well made shorts. Rawhead is about a young girl named Lucy (played by Gracie Whitton), whose being terrorized nightly by the monster in her closet. Her parents, Maggie and Dale (played by April Hartman and Lance Eakright), figure she’s just going through a phase, that is until one night when the monster decides to make itself known. The film also stars Robert Johnson as “Rawhead”.

THE GOOD

A 9 minute running time is only very brief, but there’s a lot to like within that time. The early sweeping camera movements, and smooth editing help set the tone. The shot choices and framing are carefully composed, much the same as the duo’s earlier work. The same location/house was used in all three shorts, so I’m assuming it belongs to someone from the cast or crew. I liked the similar subtle piano score from “Revelations” that accompanies Rawhead. It plays more as background noise but seems fitting for this style of film.

There’s only a few frames in the closing part of the film, where we get to see some visual effects on display but given the small budget, it looked quite convincing. The cast, as you’d probably expect, are made up of the same trio from Sampson and Sparks other two films. Once again, with a fairly inexperienced group the standard of acting makes a significant mark.

THE BAD

I’m being a little nit-picky here, but some of the lighting seemed too well-lit, if that’s possible. For example, the opening scenes in Lucy’s bedroom were presumably set at night (her sleeping and all), yet the room looked very bright. I guess that issue could be covered in the sense that she’s experiencing these nightmares, and maybe want’s the extra light while she sleeps so she doesn’t get scared? I was just hoping for a slightly darker palette for the entire look. The audio was relatively clear, but could have been a bit louder. If my memory serves me correctly, that was an inconsistency in their previous work too.

I was really enjoying this up to a certain point. What started out as a very suspenseful idea, stifled and unfortunately hit the skids when the decision was made to show the monster. A fleeting moment where we see a long, finger nailed hand is one thing but to bring all of him into the light is another. I come back to the saying “less is more”, and in this case that definitely rings true. The common monster under the bed, or in the closet fear little kids seem to have is a solid platform for a short. Steven C Miller’s “Under The Bed” *see review*, proved that and explored it pretty well. Unfortunately the latex mask, and airbrushed looked of this monster negated any potential for suspense. Coupled with some fairly forced fight choreography, it never reaches any great heights. With more time, and a bigger budget I think “Rawhead” could have been truly terrifying, instead its just a bit gimmicky.

Considering this is only 9 minutes long its worth a watch, especially if you’re a fan of short films. Please help support these indie projects, these guys are the ones doing it hard and they need as much exposure, good or bad as they can get. Thanks again Rog!

My rating for “Rawhead” is 6.5/10

VOLUMES OF BLOOD

THE SETUP

Firstly I’d just like say thanks to Writer and Director, P.J Starks for sending me the hard copy, screener for a new Horror Anthology film called “Volumes Of Blood”. P.J is just one of five directors, and three writers that played a part in making Volumes Of Blood. He also has a part (playing himself) in the last act of the film. Volumes Of Blood tells the story of a sociology student, who gathers a group of his friends at the local library on Halloween night. He’s been assigned the task of creating a new urban legend, so the group of 4 each tell their best story. Tyler (Jason Crowe) is the first to tell a story. His is about Lilly, a young student cramming research in late one night at the library. After having some difficulty focusing on her work, she’s approached by a charming stranger who offers her a mysterious energy drink that has surprising results. Kaelin (Roni Jonah) the girl in the foursome, tells a paranormal based story. What starts out as a normal night for a young librarian, turns out to be anything but after experiencing a classic haunting. Reece (Garrett Smith), is the movie buff of the group who tells a tale of a young film student named Sidney, played by Paige Ward (yes one of the several Scream references haha). Sidney has been given permission to work late in the library, and after a surprise visit by her boyfriend (No his name isn’t Billy…) she’s left alone to fend off a mysterious figure. Lastly Bryan (Gerrimy Keiffer) who is responsible for the groups gathering, tells the tale of Paige (Kristine Farley), a young librarian dealing with the guilt of her late, ex-boyfriend Derek (Kevin Roach) having committed suicide. A book of the devil comes into play and she must face her own demons. The film also stars Jim O’Rear, Jakob Bilinski and P.J Starks.

THE GOOD

Over the last decade or so, particularly the last four or five years there’s been an increasing number of Anthology films and not just within the Horror genre. Most notably though are the likes of “V/H/S” and “The ABC’s Of Death”. To a lesser known extent  “Scary Or Die” and “Amusement” are a couple of others,  as well as the more recent “Fun Size Horror” which I reviewed a while back. “Pawn Shop Chronicles” is a non horror related Anthology worth mentioning. It’s a great platform with which independent filmmakers, and even first timers can gain exposure, by combining their work with other similar projects to get a wider release. From the minute Volumes Of Blood begins, it’s clear it was conceptualized by fans of the genre for fans of the genre. It’s very self-aware and showcases that through the various characters, and their countless pop culture references. “Sidney” and “Mr Loomis” are just a couple of the many nods to the genre.

I was surprised with how loud and clear the audio levels were here. In low-budget film making, that’s often one facet that inexperienced crew get wrong. The 80’s synth orientated score was a nice touch, most effective during the telling of the second story. Majority of the acting was only average, but given the limited experience of nearly everyone involved you’d be a fool to expect a lot more. I thought the chemistry between Paige and Derek in the last segment worked the best. Although whoever picked Kristine’s wardrobe, appears to be stuck in the 50’s, she looked like something out of Bewitched (not sure what happened there). It’s Kevin Roach that bought an intensity to the Derek character that other parts of the film lacked. It was honest and raw, reminding me of a particular time loop episode on TV’s “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. Everybody does the required amount, but Kevin’s performance that stood out for me.

I wasn’t really sure how to take this story. When you consider the amount of comedy structured into the dialogue of what’s mostly a serious screenplay, it ends up a bit of a cluster. Sidney’s boyfriend, that isn’t Billy from the third part of the film, supplies us with a few laughs. His over the top rendition of a Bruno Mars song (at least I think it is) in a small passive library crowd was funny. Starks playing himself is the funniest part of the movie. His comedic timing is gold, and his so oblivious to his own egotistical nature, making for some truly entertaining moments with the people around him. There was definitely a conscious effort by those involved here, to discuss and poke fun of low-budget film making as well as those who think they are revolutionizing the industry somehow (haha). The action sequences and effects are decent, but their scattered throughout the film. Nothing lasts that long, or leaves a lasting impression. Saying that though, I enjoyed that all the blood and gore was done practically, unfortunately the best stuff doesn’t hit home until the last act. The opening kill is a big one, and honestly I thought that was going to pave the way for a lot more to come. I got a bit, but not as much as I was hoping for. Some of this is just personal preference, and maybe they are money related issues. I’m not sure what the overall budget for this one was. I did notice that some of the really cool gags (like a head explosion), depicted the aftermath but didn’t show the moment, so maybe that’s why?

THE BAD

Majority of my reservations when it comes to Volumes Of Blood, fall with technical issues as well as a bit of creative license. At the same time, if you have a certain vision and you execute that vision then you’ve done all you can do. Obviously it’s just that people each want to see something different making it impossible to please everyone. Stylistically each of the pieces of this horror pie are too much the same. There’s little to no variation in lighting, shot choices or sound effects. For example, the second segment is shot in black and white, and it seems to be for no other reason than it looks good. Dustin Mill’s “Applecart” had a 1920’s noir feel about it so the use of black and white was warranted. Here, that decision didn’t fit the tone of the film at all and in turn doesn’t highlight any variance it may have gone for. Personally I think part of the problem lies with having the library as the core setting for these stories. In doing that you kill any opportunity for diversity or a mixture of scenes, alternatively totally different central points might have lent themselves to a series of locations.

I can deal with some of the immature dialogue within the banter, but when it comes at the cost of the suspense it’s disappointing. Wes Craven’s “Scream” was truly one of a kind in the way of his ability to balance dark comedy and suspense. I don’t think you’ll ever see another movie that’s able to depict that the same way. Minus a couple of jumpy moments, Volumes doesn’t generate much suspense. If you’ve delivered paranormal, slasher and dark comedy based “shorts” (for lack of a better word), there should be some tension in that, but alas. The lighting throughout most of the film is also an issue. Once again it’s about equating mood with the story your trying tell. Nearly everything we see, or in this case don’t see is covered in shadow. Even when nothing of any real importance is happening we can’t see a lot, the final act is the one that comes to mind. During the scenes with the Irish Librarian and Paige, they take the time to set up Paige’s character arc and the struggle she is going through. For some unknown reason though the conversation takes place in the dark. Now that would be okay if they were getting ready to close up, but said Irishman leaves and then the very next sequence all the lights in the place are on. I can’t help but think nobody knew exactly what the right balance of light was.

The big thing that made Volumes Of Blood feel like a bit of a chore to sit through, was a lot of the framing and camera work. The still shots are good and some of the gentle panning works well. To its detriment though, there’s a lot of pointless rotating camera work to help cover what each of the core group of four is saying. The problem with it is that they aren’t crucial to the story. so there’s no need to place emphasis on that. In other scenes they chat but half of them are in frame and the other half are not. Simpler is often the best way, stick with basic shots. We aren’t going to see these characters 90 percent of the time because they are relaying the stories we are watching, so you’re not going to lose anything. The chase sequences in both the third and fourth segments are rapid and amateurish, and probably a big part of the reason the suspense doesn’t shine though. Even when things are bought back to a more poised tempo, the shots are often just repeated. Combine that with 20 different frames, being cut together in the space of a minute and you get something a lot harder to watch than it should be.

 I set the bar high when it comes to Anthology’s because often they aren’t even. The vast difference between the good and the bad is often their downfall. I was hoping to get a little more out of Volumes Of Blood than I did. Saying that, it’s self-aware homage orientated nature, mixed with patches of comedy and well executed blood and gore make it mostly a fun time.The acting is commendable and Roach gives a damn good performance. The technical aspects are the main hindrance here, and needed to be better thought out. Things like camera work and lighting in particular, can make or break any film, even more so when your working in this genre. I couldn’t get right behind this one, being kept at bay by a lack of suspense and diversity. One solitary place to look at for 90 minutes gets a little tedious and one would think this could benefit from a location change. Once again, I’d just like to say thanks to P.J Starks he saw to me immediately about checking this film out and I’m extremely appreciative of that. Keep an eye out for the film it will be coming out soon!

My rating for “Volumes Of Blood” is 5.5/10

MASSAGE PARLOR OF DEATH

THE SETUP

This review is for the 80’s inspired, shot on video Horror film “Massage Parlor Of Death”, Written and Directed by Richard Mogg. He’s got a bit of experience in the DIY approach to film making, having previously made two other films “Easter Bunny Bloodbath” and “Bangin’ Vengeance”. It’s obvious that he’s a fan of the micro budget classic’s of the 80’s, when you see what he’s constructed here. Massage Parlor Of Death is about a young, attractive an unlicensed massage therapist named Ruby (played by the lovely Michelle Kaveet). She’s been secretly killing her clients, and storing their blood for use in a ritual that will resurrect the spirit of her dead lover. Mogg wrote, directed, shot, produced and edited the film himself (haha). It stars Kaitlyn Yurkiw, Kevin Paynter, Christina Martine, Victor Bidwell and Kirk Munaweera.

THE GOOD

Just a quick heads up, there will be much laughter in this review so I apologize in advance. Mogg ticks the first box when it comes to paying homage to this style of film, and that’s giving it an entertaining title with some cool artwork. The tagline for the film is classic, “The Massage Parlor Of Death, Where there are no happy endings!” (haha). If you’re not sold on either the cheesy title or its supporting tagline, Devon Whitehead’s colorful, gory and brilliantly crafted retro cover art is bound to tickle your fancy. People and their talent aye?… it pisses you off doesn’t it? (haha). All kidding aside it looks fantastic, I caught a sneak peek of the artwork for Richard’s next film, kudos on that too Devon. I’ll kick things off with the audio, firstly the dialogue and then I’ll talk about the sound effects etc, later in the review. The consistency of volume in the actors/actresses dialogue was surprisingly good. I caught just about everything they were saying even though it’s not crucial in a film like this. Most of the camera work is basic and steady. A lot of still shots are used but there’s some fun, out of the blue focus zooms going on. It goes in and out, down a passageway or through a room and onto an actor, it’s a technique you often see in old school genre films.

From the shot on video version of the film

I absolutely love the nostalgic appeal of the 70’s/80’s style, synth music playing throughout the film. There were just two simple tunes on repeat for nearly the whole running time, plus a piano ballad track (haha). We basically had either a two note piece of music when anything suspenseful was happening, or a shift to a heightened intensity with some base in the mix. That went humorously back and forth anytime the scene was building. As each of the characters unknowingly walks in for their massage there’d be a lovely, mellow piano based tune playing. It was awkward and didn’t fit but in the best possible way (haha). On a couple of occasions there’s some unusual 8 bit synth, which sounds like a Nintendo game booting up in the most sporadic of ways (haha). I actually liked it, it was just far too loud in the mix. Gordon (Paynter), is the first young man to arrive for a massage and was easily the funniest character in the film. Paynter channeled any one of those, overly serious male leads from other shot on video films. His comedic timing and line delivery was a blast to watch. Michelle Kaveet appears in nearly every scene, and for the most part does a decent job, given her lack of experience. Despite the fact she’s playing Ruby, whose somewhat of a tempestuous bitch (haha), she herself is pretty and seems very down to earth. The other lead role of Jenny, a newly hired hooker is played by Kaitlyn Yurkiw. She adds to the eye candy and holds her own pretty well.

Blood and Gore has always emerged as the main selling point of these types of low-budget affairs. Most of the impact shots from those films in the 80’s era, weren’t shown due to classification ratings or restrictions etc. It was often only the aftermath that made it onto screen. I’m not going to Coolade coat it (those of you who watch the behind the scenes feature will get what I mean by that haha), Massage Parlor Of Death doesn’t have the best quality blood and gore, but what it does have is heart (I don’t mean an actual heart, I mean that would be cool right but yeah…) Effort is what I mean, Richard had a go and that’s all we ask. It’s ambitious and resourceful, and I enjoyed and respect that about it. The aforementioned Behind The Scenes content is where Mogg explains how he did it, and what you can do to save extra money. The action sequences aren’t the best, but the standout purely from a comedic point of view, involves The Native man from Hades (haha). It’s possibly the lamest death in any film ever made. Quite possibly both the best and worst I’ve ever seen (haha).

THE BAD

I have to mention that lame death again because it really was awful shitty (haha), so it gets included in this section as well. The execution of most of the technical stuff is good, especially when you take into account the micro-budget. However, the film has some lighting and color saturation issues in a few scenes. I don’t want to leave those of you who have never seen a shot on video film in the dark about what to expect. Richard recorded the film on his own personal HD camera, and rather than use filters he decided to run it through a Video recorder and dub it over. It wasn’t quite grainy and old enough for the desired effect, so he ran it through again in order to get some static, and that ever so slight syncing delay. If you’re a fan of the genre but not necessarily the time period, worry not. There’s also the original high-definition version of the film included on the DVD. This reviewer watched it in it’s intended format, but will be revisiting it in high def as I’m not really a product of that era and couldn’t relate too it as well. Richard needed to be a little more composed with the camera during the death sequences. It tends to bounce up and down too much (maybe intended), none the less not easy on the eyes. Even though most of the audio is solid, there are still constant spikes in volume when characters laugh or scream, which is way too often for my liking. I found that part of the track nearly unbearable, and it partially ruined the film for me.

There’s plenty of problems with acting and professionalism in the second half of the film, but I suppose that’s to be expected though. For mine, the acting gradually got worse as the film wore on. Michelle’s dialogue delivery impressed me in the beginning, the painfully forced laughing and screaming aside. Unfortunately she can be seen smirking, and or trying to hold back laughter in several scenes. The ridiculous nature of the screenplay probably doesn’t help, but still (haha). During the resurrection scenes, it’s clear she’s reading words from the script and on another occasion, she pauses on the first line she’s obviously forgotten. The secondary cast members annoyed me too, because a screaming track can be heard as each of them are being killed, yet none of the cast are actually shown screaming. Massage Parlor Of Death is mostly just guilty of a lot of continuity issues and things clearly down to budgetary constraints. When weapons are used it’s clear they aren’t making any impact with the characters. Excess blood stains on the sheets, from the massage table are visible each time a new victim comes in (haha). A woman is decapitated but the head is extremely rubbery, and looks more like a blonde Amy Winehouse (R.I.P), than the actual actress (haha). I wasn’t a fan of the story, well what story there was. I think it might have worked better played as a straight Slasher flick. Ruby supposed to be storing blood for a resurrection, but I never actually saw her gather any. She’d just kill somebody, and take their remains and put them in her garbage. It’s a very short film, with a run time of only 60 minutes but I feel like at least 10 minutes could have been cut. There’s a totally pointless POV (point of view) scene in a graveyard, whose point of view it’s from I don’t know. Ruby’s dream sequences sucked, and all of the stuff that was supposed to be set in Hades just bored me. Obviously those plot points were already in the script, hence why I would have liked to see some alterations made.

This is an image from the high definition version of the film, which is on the Dvd if you don’t want to watch the shot on video version, of which images can be seen above

I originally per-ordered Massage Parlor Of Death, then read a few comments and watched the trailer and changed my mind, I didn’t think it was for me. I did a bit more digging and got a better understanding of Richard’s intentions for the film. Here’s the kicker, he shot this film in only 2 days because that’s the only window of time he had with friend, and lead actress Michelle Kaveet. If that wasn’t enough, Richard’s wife only allowed him to spend $50 on the film, yeah you heard me right… $50! Even without fact checking, I’m going to go ahead and say Massage Parlor Of Death is the lowest budget movie ever made. That in of itself is truly something, so many congratulations go out to Richard for sticking to his guns. He spent 2 days, and 50 dollars to watch his film come to fruition. What we have here is a very well made, homage to shot on video films of the 80’s. It’s got killer artwork, a couple of lovely girls, some cheesy comedy and one awesome synth based soundtrack. The acting drops away as things progress, the sound peaks and unfortunately the screenplay contains unnecessary material, making it rather forgettable. Saying that, the effects achieved with coolade, ketchup and toilet paper were a lot of fun, and Richard accomplished something I don’t think anybody ever has. If you’re a fan of films like “The Woodchip Massacre” or the more well-known “Nail Gun Massacre” (which had a $400 budget), this one is worth a look. I look forward to Richard Mogg’s future projects and you should too. 50 bucks…. seriously, say that shit to yourself 50 bucks! Do him a favor and purchase a copy so he can make his next film for maybe $500 (haha)

My rating for “Massage Parlor Of Death” is 4.5/10

RAIDERS OF THE LOST SHARK

THE SETUP

This review is for a film bought to us by Wild Eye Releasing. Written by Brett Kelly, David Lloyd and Trevor Payer, Directed by Scott Patrick, “Raiders Of The Lost Shark” is the latest in a wave of these Sci-fi/Creature feature b-movies. I for one need my quota of cheese met as regularly as possible, hence why I watch these types of films. You usually know exactly what you’re going to get (or more appropriately what you’re not going to get), believable reactions, character development or anything really resembling a story (haha). We know this yet we watch anyway, go figure. I take these films for exactly what they are, and that’s usually 90 or so minutes of light-hearted entertainment. Titles such as 2 Headed Shark Attack, Sharktopus and of course the infamous “Sharknado” franchise, are amongst my favorites. Raiders Of The Lost Shark is about a group of four college students who set out on a boat, to a remote island for some down time. Years earlier college professor Mr’s Reynolds (played by Candice Lidstone), was doing some research on the island with her sister, who was tragically killed by a Shark. Our group of young students are unaware that the military created a weaponized shark, and underwater drilling has released him from the nearby lab. The film stars Jessica Huether, Catherine Clark, Pavel Lubanski and the lovely Kendra Summerfield.

THE GOOD

Well you see what these guys have done with their play on words from the classic Indiana Jones film, need I say more (haha), but yes I will. I’m a huge fan of these ridiculous titles, even though majority of them end up being sub-par, their fun none the less. The above hand drawn artwork for Raiders looks damn cool. I don’t remember seeing any jet-ski’s, helicopters, sea planes or that particular eye candy, but don’t let that get in the way of a good cover *rolls eyes*. My first piece of advice to Scott and Co, well it’s actually directed at Wild Eye who distributed the film, don’t mislead your target audience with promises you either can’t or don’t deliver on. The audio levels here were nice and loud but quite inconsistent. I had to reach for the volume button several times throughout, depending on the location or nature of the conversation in each specific scene. Kimberly, played by Summerfield, supplies us with the eye candy. She’s very natural and pretty, and rocks a bikini pretty well. I thought both her and Candice Lidstone gave two of the better performances in the group. I thought the inclusion of some fake prosthetic limbs washing up on the “shore” or rocks, or whatever you want to call it was a nice touch. The action is extremely scarce given the speedy running time, but the standout scene was a deputy getting covered in some thick, gooey and practical blood.

THE BAD

“My horoscope was right, your no good for me” says a bikini clad, secondary character in the opening act of Raiders Of The Lost Shark. I was thinking I should have converged with my horoscope before watching this, and maybe I could have gotten similar advice. Now I know most of you are probably thinking, What did you expect from a movie called that? You know what I expected? Someone to at least try, a little thing called effort. Have enough respect for your viewers and more importantly yourself, and actually have a go. You can’t tell me this is having a go, I mean I’ve seen “Jurassic Shark” and the more recent “90210 Shark Attack” *see review* https://adamthemoviegod.com/90210-shark-attack-review/, so don’t try to convince me this is the best you’ve got.

The camera work on display here is incredibly sloppy to say the least. I suppose I can give Scott credit for not profusely shaking the camera about, but his framing and focus issues haven’t been stamped out. Shot choices feel like they are coming at you head on and not framed accordingly. On other occasions they appear aimed from the hip. The opening sequence which sees two security guards, take their respective girls down to the water has several moments that don’t find the correct focus as quickly as they should. The entire film takes place during the day, which of course makes the harsh lighting and dark shadow contrast standout more so. Often cast members faces are only half shown, made all the more obvious by the irregularities in the color saturation. One frame will be looking into the water, where the landscape color looks natural. Next, a character gets into the water where everything becomes much bleak and darker in tone, I’m not sure what was happening there. There’s a two or three, high note synth score that can be heard on and off throughout the film. It’s okay to use when something suspenseful occurs (in this case it never does), but it’s front and centre when nothing is really happening. Minus one or two chuckle worthy lines, the comedy they may have been going for here doesn’t come off. I can usually get behind something that’s so self-aware that it’s just ridiculous, but this isn’t one of those films.

Most of the cast are working with a nothing script, so I don’t want to be too harsh on them. It’s difficult to put out your best performance when you’re pretending your scared of a big CG shark, so I won’t pick on that side of it. However, general conversations and reactions to plot revelations need to be at least half way believable, I can’t suspend that much disbelief. Everyone involved here is either painfully wooden, or so over the top they make Doc Brown (Back To The Future), seem relaxed. All of these points I’ve mentioned can be somewhat overlooked if the action and gore is cool, after all that’s the best aspect to market in a film like this. Firstly the underwater footage from the shark POV (point of view), is murky and dull and then we’re given a digital shark that looks like it’s been constructed in Paint. Come on guys I’m not asking for much, this coming from the guy that enjoyed “Sharktopus” and “Dinocroc vs Supergator”, give me something anything! This is the worst CG I’ve seen since the aforementioned “90210 Shark Attack”. All of the kills are pretty uneventful, but the two opening kills in particular are unbelievably lame. I mean Kudos on killing a couple of characters inside ten minutes, next time edit it so we can see what actually happened though (that be an idea). How can you make a creature feature without blood, that’s like a Romantic Comedy without the public declaration of love, What even is that?

Raiders Of The Lost Shark you ran 60 minutes in length, minus the credits (which I did not stay for haha), and then I’ve written this review which took 90 minutes. All in all I’ve spent 150 minutes of my life on you, and if I can stop someone, just one person from watching this movie it will have all been worth it. You cast an attractive girl in Kendra Summerfield, Hired an artist who drew you one awesome cover, Someone got blood dumped on him, and in the end you were witty enough to come up with a play on words for your title, but that’s not enough. Unfortunately you left the technical aspects at the door, walked in with a hodgepodge script, and a Windows 95 editing program and thought you could make a Creature feature. My advice to all filmmakers out there looking to make something in this genre, If you don’t have a fun and decently written script, along with some kind of budget for effects and gore then please don’t. The estimated budget here is $350,000. Don’t get me wrong, It’s not a great sum of money no one’s saying it is, but it’s enough to do more than what’s on the screen here. I’ve seen better films made for 10 percent of the money, and the only difference between this and David DeCoteau’s “90210 Shark Attack”, is that they wasted $1 million on their film. You guys are still $650,000 in pocket. You know the saying Don’t judge a book by its cover? In this particular case that couldn’t ring truer, the cover is awesome, the movie is most definitely not.

My rating for “Raiders Of The Lost Shark” is 2/10

APPLECART

THE SETUP

Over the last few years I’ve paid particular attention to the works of Writer/Director, Dustin Mills. Most of you probably haven’t heard of him, but he’s been behind films such as “Bath Salt Zombies”, “Easter Casket” and one I reviewed a while ago called “Skinless” aka “The Ballad Of Skinless Pete”. I suppose most of his films fall under the Horror genre, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t ventured into other sub genres, and done so quite successfully. He usually tries his hand at everything, and given the low-budget nature of his films I can respect his work ethic and usually the end result. I recently purchased a copy of his new experimental film “Applecart” from VOD (video on demand). Applecart is a silent film that’s shot in black and white. Paying particular homage to old films of the 1920’s. It has a 56 minute running time made up of four sexually motivated segments.

It opens with “The Sleepover”, where a young girl invites a “friend” over for the night. This potential girl on girl scenario peaks the curiosity of her perverted father, in turn making the mother extremely jealous. It has a Shakespearean and dark comedic feel, leading to a very tragic conclusion. Following that is “Caretaker”. A young nurse arrives at a home to take care of a young man’s wheelchair bound father. She spends the night trying to entice him sexually, going to the lengths of inviting her boyfriend around to have sex in front of the elderly man. The third section is titled “Dad”, it sees an extremely religious father react to his daughter’s out-of-wedlock pregnancy, this is close to the best of the bunch. Lastly, in “Let Me Show You Something” a young factory employee has a crush on a co-worker but refuses to do anything about it. His best friend decides to take matters into his own hands, leading to devastating consequences for all involved. The film stars Josh Miller, Dave Parker, Erin R. Ryan, Brandon Salkil, Haley Jay Madison, Allison Egan and Joni Durian.

THE GOOD

Whether you agree or not, it can’t be denied that Mill’s Applecart is a breath of fresh and original air. It’s definitely experimental, and to the average viewer probably rather bizarre. The core fetishes are very raw and the screenplay is rather perverse, but I suppose that’s the intent and if that style of film making isn’t for you you’ll probably know almost immediately (haha). Most of the budgets of Dustin’s past projects have ranged anywhere between $1,000- $5,000. Applecart feels a lot more polished and the production value is massive. I estimate the budget to be between $10,000- $20,000, but don’t quote me on that. On the Aesthetics alone, this film appears to be aimed at fans of old 1920’s cinema while still managing to keep the modern flare of an Arthouse film. This is seemingly inspired by Filmmakers like the great Charlie Chaplin, and even some of D.W Griffith’s early work. I absolutely loved the decision to shoot this one in black and white. I don’t know much about equipment or lenses etc, but I do know this captures the nostalgia of a very specific time, but by the same token keeps the feeling contemporary. The shades look fantastic, and when juxtaposed with the smooth panning and wonderful shot choices, everything comes to life. As I previously mentioned, this is a silent film accompanied only by that classic piano based score you’d often here in 20’s films and theater productions. It’s very lighthearted and often upbeat, in complete contrast to the seedy nature of what’s happening on-screen.

The lighting is another thing I’d like to touch on quickly. Once upon a time TV and Film was only in black and white and it wasn’t a concern, you had a lot more room to hide with your technical aspects than you do these days. I dug the use of shadows in this one. Techniques like half lighting someone’s face, or using a silhouette in the background etc, it’s amazing how a few small things can enhance the whole look. Each of the characters wears a mime mask, so as to embody that we are often feeling emotionless at the time of making questionable choices. Personally I think it was more to allow the actors and actresses freedom to explore the theme and not to be judged for it. Either way, the masks were a nice touch and I commend Dustin on approaching it that way with his cast. Though there isn’t any dialogue, everyone plays their part well and carries the level of confidence required to do something like this successfully. For example, the film opens up with a rather voluptuous and buxom girl fiercely pleasuring herself (I’m not sure it had its place, seeing as though none of the segments had actually started at that point haha). Credit goes to everyone involved for bearing all, in one way or another. Majority of the actresses either get partially naked, or in some cases even fully. Don’t worry ladies there’s several shots of the male reproductive organ too (they don’t play favorites haha). Most of the sexually charged scenes aren’t that graphic in content, just a little uncomfortable so I’m giving you a heads up.

THE BAD

As in all of my reviews but this one in particular, the following section is open to each individual’s interpretation and limits. Applecart is essentially a piece of art that will be received in completely different ways, depending on what each viewer hopes to get out of it. I wasn’t a fan of the familiar audience clap track that’s ongoing throughout most of the film. A similar technique has been used in some of David Lynch’s short’s and it doesn’t do anything for me. For the most part its associated with comedy, and regardless of the intent here most of what I saw didn’t feel funny. “The Artist”, was a movie which incorporated a few subtitles for when something important was being said. I felt that might have been useful here. I’m not saying you won’t get the gist of what each short entails, but it wouldn’t have hurt to get inside the characters a little more. The other technical thing that irked me was the gradually intensified, static sound effects used in transitioning between scenes or segments. It’s a grating noise that’s totally unnecessary and sounds like you’ve got audio issues. I’m not sure how to interpret the recurring theme of apples, and it’s representation to the title “Applecart”. It’s only a scene here and there where someone is eating an apple or cutting one, so I don’t know??. Another reviewer quoted, “Dustin upsets the apple cart by stepping outside the conventional core ideas of what Horror usually is”, or something to that effect. I won’t read too much into it, personally I think it’s just a name (haha). I don’t want to criticize the film just because of its unsavory content, which includes nudity, sex and an ejaculation scene. Film is just one art form, and I’d imagine a very cathartic way to express certain ideas or feelings and I don’t want to deter that process. From a personal point of view though, and due to my limited life experience I couldn’t really engage in this. It’s very well made, but I struggled to find any context relating to a broader idea. In the end I thought “Let Me Show You Something” and “Dad” were the two most relatable segments of the four.

I was glad I got the opportunity to watch Applecart. I like that it’s comprised of four different segments, and runs under an hour giving you some kind of variety. Early on I got a vibe similar to that of Lynch’s mini series “Rabbits”, Aesthetically anyway. With its focus on black and white, careful lighting and smart shot choices, it’s a visual feast. The cast was solid and chose to put themselves out there, and the 1920’s inspired piano score accompanies the tone well. Applecart’s voyeuristic and perverted players are reminiscent of characters in Director, Larry Clarke’s film’s “Ken Park” and “Destricted”, probably more the latter. Unfortunately I couldn’t relate to most of the content in any of the stories, I also  saw far too many penises for my liking, fake or not (haha). I figure if your feeling uncomfortable at any point throughout this, Dustin’s probably done his job partially and that’s a good thing, but it’s not everything. My opinion is there’s so much to a successful film, regardless of what others think as long as you do what you’ve set out to do, you can’t go wrong. Applecart’s a difficult movie to judge fairly and honestly depending on what tickles your fancy. I feel I’ve done my best so all that’s left to do is for you to see it for yourself. I look forward to more projects from Dustin in the future, keep up the good work!

You can stream the film for 24 hours for under $4.00, please support indie films here’s the link https://vimeo.com/ondemand/35781

My rating for “Applecart” is 5/10

BAD GUY #2

THE SETUP

I’d like to start by saying thanks to Writer and Director Chris McInroy, for allowing me access to an online screener of his 10 minute, Horror/Comedy short “Bad Guy #2”. I originally stumbled upon a short synopsis on DreadCentral.com, and it sounded like a fun concept and really entertaining little short. Bad Guy #2 is about a new young up and comer (Kirk C. Johnson), whose working for a local crime ring . He finds himself quickly climbing up the ladder, as each one of his co-workers inevitably fail to complete their specific task. He confides with his girlfriend Donna, and together they’ll try to figure out the fastest and most resourceful way to get ahead in the business. The film also stars Sam Eidson, David Maldonado and Chrissy Shackelford.

THE GOOD

Bad Guy #2 knows exactly what it is, and what it is, is basically equal parts Horror and Comedy. Right from the outset, you know some of what you’re going to see will probably be quite horrific (and it is, but in the best way possible haha). Chris and Co aren’t taking themselves too seriously here. The comedic approach is so plainly self-aware and done in good-nature, that you can’t help but have fun with it. Obviously it helps if you understand the intent, and or are a fan of this new wave genre that manages to blend polar opposites quite successfully. The gags strike early, and for the most part are quite amusing. The bad guy style of banter is aimed at those particular stereotypes, while mocking the use of extra’s and or secondary characters in films and TV. I don’t know the budget for this one but I’ll assume it’s a DIY (do it yourself) indie, If that’s the case color me impressed. Majority of the camera work is well controlled, with simple but smart shot choices and the audio is crystal clear.

All the performances are on point, but ultimately the likability and clever comedic timing is down to Kirk Johnson. He reminds me of another Actor named Mark Webber. I think Kirk performs with similar idiosyncrasies when it comes to his awkwardness and mannerisms when in somewhat serious situations (haha). It appears as though he’s having a lot of fun in this, and overall just being a real trooper when it comes to smothering himself in quite an abundance of the red stuff! Speaking of red, Bad Guy #2 has some of the most impressive practical effects being done in the genre (Savini would be proud). The consistency of the blood is the standout, not to mention two nasty and brilliantly executed deaths. The honors go to Doug Field for his special effects, as well as Susan Benson/Mischa Fruge for their impressive makeup and effects work.

THE BAD

I don’t have to many criticisms for something with only a ten minute running time, but it could have done without some of the profanity. The line delivery was funny enough without the forced F’s. I noticed one spot during the “acid” scene (for lack of a better word), where the camera got a little shaky but it was really only for a few moments. The Kingpin had a few entertaining lines early in the piece, but some of his dialogue got unnecessarily crass during his interactions with the crew. The stuff about teddy bears and buttholes was like an awkward one man conversation that seemed to be missing Seth McFarlane.

Bad Guy #2 is a very entertaining and original Horror/Comedy short. Our anti-hero (haha), is a loveable goof played to a T by Johnson. The technical aspects are well conceived and a majority of the humor hits the mark. Though, It’s really the glorious practical effects and kill sequences that elevate this one. I’d say if you are a fan of films like “Tucker and Dale vs Evil” or “100 Bloody Acres” *see my review*, you’d have a lot of fun with this. Keep an eye out for its official release date!

My rating for “Bad Guy #2” is 8.5/10

KUNG FURY

THE SETUP

“Kung Fury” is an everything 80’s inspired, 31 minute short film that recently went viral. It was released via YouTube and VOD (video on demand), amongst other media platforms. In late 2013, Swedish born, first time Writer/Director David Sandberg started a Kickstarter campaign in order to raise funds for a full length feature. The initial goal of $1 million wasn’t met by the due date, however by the end of January 2014 over 17,000 people had backed the idea managing to raise well over $600,000. People who say that crowd funded campaigns don’t work, need look no further than “Kung Fury”. I was one of those 17,000 backers and through a tonne of promotion, and great marketing techniques Sandberg did the unimaginable and got the film made. Kung Fury is set in Miami, the year 1985. Fury (played by Sandberg himself), is the toughest of all the cities cops. He’s a master of mixed martial arts and is the go to man when it comes to taking down the city’s worst criminals. With a ragtag group of colorful characters, ranging from his newest partner, Triceracop (played by Erik Hornqvist), to a Swedish Thor (Andreas Cahling) and a geek named Hackerman (Leopold Nilsson), Fury must travel back in time to kill the worst criminal of all Kung Fuhrer (Jorma Taccone), aka “Adolph Hitler”. The film also stars Eleni Young, Helene Ahlson and the voice of David Hasselhoff, playing “The Hoff 9000”.

THE GOOD

Let’s begin with the most obviously rad thing about Kung Fury (other than its kick ass title), the poster artwork. An artist has cleverly drawn it with that “Street Fighter” look about it, there are so many images and colors you don’t know where to look first. I mean who wouldn’t see the movie that’s got Hitler, A Dinosaur, Thor, A filthy 80’s mullet and the equivalent of Daniel Larusso (The Karate Kid) on the front cover right? (haha). David has crafted an incredibly self-aware, parody based film with the inclusion of anything and everything 80’s. It plays as a clear homage to some of the best arcade video games of the 80’s, all the while blending the cheesiness of the Action/Comedy cop genre, while managing to ground itself in its own bat shit crazy world. Right off the bat the 70’s and 80’s synth score hits home and reminds us why we loved that particular era, and all its glory. When the diverse mix of electro, and drum based tunage isn’t thumping through your speakers in the most radical of ways, we still get to hear some tough glam rock riffs The team responsible for the sequencing of all the music did a fantastic job.

The audio levels are pretty solid, and even though I don’t usually care for the poorly re-recorded, out of synch over dubbed dialogue (you know the stuff I’m talking about), in this case it adds a certain nostalgic charm. Sandberg’s narration provides us with as much back story as you’d need for a film titled Kung Fury. He manages to deliver his one liners, and dare I say “emotionally charged” parts with great comedic timing and more seriousness than what’s required. He explains how he became Kung Fury, and the not so shocking loss of his partner and friend in the line of duty (haha, those of you who have seen it will know what I’m talking about). When he means business, he makes sure we know he means business. He lets us know everything he’s going to do and why he’s going to do it (haha). Not only does everything sound great, it looks amazing too. Every dollar that was raised went towards what you see on the screen. The backdrops and green screen sequences are a plenty, and are constantly changing. It’s such a creative look clearly inspired by the world of arcade video games, in particular old school ones I used to play like “Carmen Sandiego” and “Street Fighter”. There’s even a cartoon section of the film that looks like an episode of “Power Rangers” or “Dragonball Z”, I’ve never seen anything like that incorporated into a conventional film before.

Kung Fury is all about its comedy. David knew exactly the tone he was going for when he wrote this screenplay and in that sense, whether you’re a fan or not, the skilful writing  stands up and cannot be denied. The inclusion of so many unconventional characters makes for one hell of an entertaining time. You’ve got the man himself Kung Fuhrer, whose sporting some mad martial artistry, and taunting his enemies in a rather flamboyant manner. Fury’s new partner just so happens to be a Laseraptor (haha), just because he can be. Half human, able to talk but sporting a dinosaur head. Not to mention the film also has an actual dinosaur, a T-Rex which assists Fury in his battle with the Fuhrer. Rounding out the group is a time traveling Thor, who is in actual fact just a really ripped Swedish bloke with a big hammer (haha), just as impressive as Hemsworth though. I won’t ruin the best stone cold one liners because they are all hilarious, but my favorite line from Kung Fury would be ” I could tell almost immediately that he was dead” (watch the film you’ll get why it’s funny haha). The Hoff aka David Hasselhoff has a very small, albeit entertaining as hell, part in the film so keep and eye out for that. The constant 80’s references, and superb attention to detail in regards to clothing, set design and props is second to none.

THE BAD

Bar probably 30 seconds of running time that includes some pretty shabby VHS style tracking, every minute of Kung Fury is worthy of your time. I understand the nod to shot on video films and bad VHS footage, I just didn’t care for it back then and don’t now. The action sequences are a lot of fun, and there were a few cool blood and gore effects, however I was still hoping for more on that front. I thought being a European film, the splatter content might have been a bit heavier. I get that’s not everybody’s thing and in fact it wasn’t the intention here and probably wouldn’t keep with the desired cheesy theme, but it doesn’t mean I still wouldn’t have liked to see it.

I was more than blown away by David Sandberg’s “Kung Fury”. I don’t think I’ve ever been that entertained for 31 minutes, I truly mean that (haha). This blends the old school futuristic throwback of movies like “Robocop” and “Dredd”, with the nature of an underdog story like “The Karate Kid” or “Kickboxer”, all the while grounding the misfit group dynamic of a John Hughes film. There’s even a touch of the more recent hidden gem “Iron Sky” in there, brilliant absolutely brilliant. The attention to detail here is flawless, the soundtrack exhilarating and the writing dim-witted in the cleverest of ways. The cheesy acting, fight choreography and cartoon included, give you products (folks) of the 80’s everything you could ever want. Kung Fury is an incredibly original, and by the same token unoriginal, self-aware and extremely ambitious undertaking that proves the underdog can win sometimes. Whether it’s being the best at something your passionate about, winning that promotion, getting the girl, or even making a film perhaps you never thought possible, Underdogs are everybody’s favorite protagonist. Below is the link to Kung Fury, before you go on living the rest of your lives spend 30 minutes of your time on this and trust me when I say you won’t regret it.

My rating for “Kung Fury” is 9.5/10

DRIFTER

THE SETUP

I was fortunate enough to be contacted by Joe Sherlock, Director of the new Horror film “Drifter”, in relation to another one of his films “Blood Creek Woodsman”. I bought that one recently for a very low price, including the shipping. He sent me the link to his brand new film and as sort of a thank you, I promised a review for it so here it is. The story centers around a small town and it’s infamous “Bloodhouse”, or as the realtor says “Bludhouse”. Local property manager Don (played by Richard Johnson), has the difficult task of finding a buyer for the appropriately named Bloodhouse. A place where several murders occurred years ago and making matters worse, three new bodies were recently discovered in the house. Don call’s in all the maintenance people to fix it up, he’ll do whatever it takes to maintain his comfortable living. With a mysterious and psychologically unstable drifter roaming the town, who knows what might happen when these workers stumble upon him trespassing. The film stars Michael Hegg, Bryn Kristi, Stephanie Lunceford, Bob Olin and Sonya Davis. Drifter was shot in Oregon, for an estimated budget of just $3,000, this is true do it yourself guerrilla style film making.

THE GOOD

Let’s get straight into it shall we? The film’s initial setup is pretty simple. Drifter arrives in town, goes mad and starts to kill the townspeople’s workers in a similar fashion to that of the 80’s slasher “Madman”. Drifter clearly isn’t an original concept but don’t let that put you off, I’ve come to know what to expect from these types of films, people are making them because they themselves are fans of the genre. Sherlock’s shooting style is basic and steady, and it works. Majority of the scenes rely on still shots, and the actors faces are appropriately and consistently framed, for the most part anyway. It’s a practical way to execute a micro-budget film. We don’t need the crane shots, or dolly panning, or fancy techniques when you don’t have the expensive equipment. The audio was fairly decent as well, just a little inconsistent when changing between various locations. The synth orientated score was composed by filmmaker Steve Sessions, and it’s relatively effective. It reminded me a lot of the scores that accompanied badly, shot on video stuff from the 70’s and 80’s. The acting was mostly second-rate in this one, but you come to expect that with these independent films involving actors and actresses with little or no experience. I’m not saying that makes it okay you have to critique it accordingly, but it should be partially forgivable when you take everything else into account.

Most of the performances and characters were sub-par for mine. The only believable performances were that of Bryn’s, Sonya’s and Bob’s. Susan (played by Bryn Kristi), is being paid by Don to do some painting at the Bloodhouse. I didn’t really buy that she had any painting experience (but that’s beside the point haha). Kristi is very pretty and I thought she delivered some decent dialogue, and overall played her part well, I only wish she had of featured more. Bob Olin does a solid job of playing our Drifter. Apart from showcasing facial expressions of the inner struggle he’s having with his psyche, he really doesn’t say anything, nor does he have much to do. Lastly, Sonya’s role in which I can’t describe without spoiling the plot, comes very much out of left field but none the less she’s up to the task. Kudos on many of the women that were willing to get naked. Including the plus size, but lovely Roxxy Mountains (appropriate name given her bust haha), as well as the more mature Stephanie Lunceford. Lastly I’ll just touch on the makeup and practical blood and gore effects which were well conceived. With the meager amount of money this crew had to work with, the gags and body count wasn’t too bad. Nothing was overly memorable but that was more down to funds and not lack of effort.

THE BAD

Drifter opens with a random and unrelated introduction involving a mock trailer (at least I think it was a mock), for another film called “Odd Noggins”. It was a very strange beginning, that then leads to the opening sequence of the film, where two girls and a guy enter The Bloodhouse about to start the lamest three person party in the history of the world (haha). A couple of beers later, the couple of the trio decide to get it on in front of their friend, who of course proceeds to just sit there drinking beer and gorking around the room. Surely at some point you’d be thinking this is a little weird, I mean each to their own but I doubt you would sit there as the third wheel in this awkward situation. Anyways we’ll come back to the content issues a bit later on (haha). Even though most of the shot choices worked, on several occasions the camera went in and out of focus for a short period of time. It was only really noticeable if you watch the background of those specific shots. Most of the lighting was sufficient but the scenes in the attic, as well as the basement in the final act were quite dark. It doesn’t give the audience the best view of what were some pretty decent makeup effects on display.

Moreover, nearly all the editing and transitioning between scenes was either rushed, or the previous scene wasn’t important and just acted as extra filler. In several instances the story rolls back around to The Drifter, who seems to be taking an eternity to search the house and look for the best place to lay his head for the night. He’s revisited at least three or four times throughout the first half of the film, only one of which he’s actually seen killing someone. The rest of the time he’s either freaking out with his facial expressions, crying or acting spooked about something. This guy just spends a lot of time doing nothing, that would be okay if we had some narration or reference in understanding about his character but we don’t. He doesn’t appear to have any obvious motives for killing, Was he raised around violence? Is he suffering from post traumatic stress? Who knows. The film has its quota of poorly written dialogue too. It’s either irrelevant or about characters we haven’t even been properly introduced too yet. Nearly all of the secondary characters serve no real purpose in the film. I understand they need to introduce a few repair men and such so the Drifter has people to kill, but your audience isn’t going to care in the slightest about faces with a name if we don’t know how they fit into the story.

I think when Richard Johnson was on camera, he was in some far away land off with the fairy’s, trying to channel William H Macy’s, Jerry Lundegaard from The Coen Brothers “Fargo” and it didn’t work at all. Bit’s of the mid-west accent were creeping in here and there (apologize if he’s from the Midwest and can’t shake it), the comedic timing was off and I just couldn’t picture anything else but that. His character was just one big stereotype and he wasn’t selling me on any of the reactions he attempted to pull off. I don’t like to hang the success of a film all on one person, after all film is a collaborative process and I’m sure some of the writing didn’t help, but he definitely didn’t do himself any favors here. The film had continuity issues a plenty when it came to the action sequences/choreography, Susan’s paint that wasn’t paint (I’m assuming custard or something, budget related I’m sure), and of course The sauna without any steam, the spa without any jets (haha), the list goes on but I think you get my point.

This is Joe’s first time having something reviewed at Adamthemoviegod.com, and I appreciate him sharing “Drifter” with me. Clearly making a full length feature in any genre, on these kind of funds is difficult so keep that in mind. It’s clear Joe is striving for success and personal growth within the industry, you can’t ask for much more. Drifter sounded really cool and I was expecting something slightly different from what I got. There was some good and some bad, but remember it’s $3,000 and given that, I’ve seen a lot worse. Most of the technical aspects are competently executed, aside from a few things that just need some tweaking here and there. The music and sound effects were cool and Bryn’s performance and character thoroughly entertained me. The makeup and effects work given the budget was also quite solid, but I would have loved to see the kills. I can look past a lot of the continuity issues, the stuff I didn’t get to see and even some of the unnecessary characters. Unfortunately, any and all of the character development got left behind so nothing really had any context. Combine that with a comprehensively wooden performance from Johnson and the unresolved ending that hits you from out of left field, and I can’t say this one was a winner in my books. I’m still keen to watch and review Joe’s other film Blood Creek Woodsman when it arrives. I hope I haven’t discouraged anyone here I’m just trying to be open and honest, Sorry I couldn’t say anything more positive about this one!

My rating for “Drifter” is 4/10

PIZZA GIRL MASSACRE

THE SETUP

Firstly I’d just like to say thank-you to Writer and Director, Jason Witter for sending me an online screener of his found footage Horror film, “Pizza Girl Massacre”. I stumbled across the film on Imdb, and saw the trailer had an Exploitation feel about it which I like. I contacted Jason immediately and had my hands on a screener by the end of the day. Pizza Girl Massacre centers on a group of young adults from a community theatre, who are preparing for their production of Shakespeare’s “Midsummer Night’s Dream”. Majority of the play takes place in an enchanted forest, so the group of thespians led by Director Jason (played by Jason Ritter himself), decide to go to a cabin in the woods to rehearse. One phone call for pizza later, and the entire cast are fighting for their lives against one truly disturbing and psychotic pizza delivery girl. The film stars David Valdez, Debi Kierst, Rhiannon Frazier, Scott Bryan, George Bach and Amy Bourque as “The Pizza Girl”. I’m not sure about the budget for this one, but at a guess I’d say between $5,000- $20,000, but don’t quote me on that. Initially the film’s title is what appealed to me, and I was hoping for a ridiculous and gory psychological slasher. Is that what I ended up with? Read ahead and find out.

THE GOOD

Pizza Girl opens with a clever introduction about the community group, and the project they are undertaking. All the details about the footage are revealed immediately, much like a fairy tale or that Shakespearean style. The dialogue audio was a little bit inconsistent depending on location changes, but for a micro-budget film it was alright. Several characters scream multiple times throughout the film though, and that caused some spikes and peaking in volume. A lot of the comedy fell flat, and the purposely overly dramatic delivery just ended up annoying. However, those of you who’ve been involved with drama productions might be able to relate to the particular taste better than I. The one shining light for me was Jason’s character, and his delivery when it came to the gags. He spends most of the first half of the film barking orders at everyone, and freely doing the rounds hitting on the entire female cast at one point or another (haha). The fact that he looks so much older adds to the execution of those weird quips. I didn’t care for any of the characters in this film, and for the most part not even enough to remember who they were. Basically all you need to know is their snot-nosed brats that think the world owes them something.

The type of formulaic writing I’m speaking of works in a Horror film. Sure, we see it all the time but those are the people we like to see get what’s coming to them. The most interesting character was the mysterious pizza girl herself. Amy plays it as basically a mute, minus a handful of words. With this painfully plain and creepy look on her face, she hits the mark for the entire duration. I was disappointed that a bigger chunk of the film didn’t delve more into her state of mind, instead it goes more the way of a Tobe Hooper film (and one in particular). Barring a photo frame on the wall, there were no real clues eluding to what bought about this situation. The last element to cover is probably the most notable, and that’s the blood and gore/ practical effects. This reviewer was hoping for a lot more on the action front however, what I did get too see looked the goods. All the blood was practical, including the odd spray towards the camera. There were a few nice prosthetic pieces made up, and one ambitious but fun, free-handed sawing scene (haha). I commend Jason and his team on paying particular attention to the consistency of the blood and it’s color.

THE BAD

The decision to shoot Pizza Girl Massacre from a first person point of view, along with a found footage reveal didn’t really work for mine. I doubt that any one of these people would have been recording a rehearsal. They have each other to supply the feedback, although some may say plays are taken very seriously. However, I think this could have worked a lot better if it was conventionally shot. A lot of the footage we see is supposedly damaged. Obviously someone has found the busted up camera and this is what we’re seeing. Unfortunately, with that comes irregularities with the camera’s focus, along with some terribly abrupt cutting. At several points throughout the film there’s rapid, and static editing issues which supposed to depict the damaged footage, I get that, I do. However, it’s not a good look when your already working with such a small budget. Your best to keep things steady and simple. There was a missed opportunity when it came to the score which was rather dull. I was hoping for some heavy synth which was a common theme in this style of film, which feels very much like a 70’s/80’s shot on video flick. I can’t be too tough on the quality of performances from these actors and actresses, after all most of them have little to no experience and unfortunately that showed. General conversations between characters weren’t bad, but during some of the angry moments in the rehearsal, it all felt very scripted and amateurish. The writing is the kicker here. It’s quite weak in places, specifically in most of the characters reactions and their decision-making. It lacks a bit of maturity as well with its constant profanity, most of which didn’t seem warranted. Rhiannon and Jason appeared able to handle their parts a bit better than everybody else, so kudos.

Furthermore, once certain revelations are made known to us, the credibility relies on two or three characters that turn out to be key to the whole situation. Sadly they end up playing their respective parts like carbon copies of similar stereotypes from other films in the genre, just not as well. The story-time aspect in the beginning carries onto labeling characters names, and every area of the production set as well as the cabin tour, that got tedious after a while. It’s not long into the film and the cast arrive at the cabin, I didn’t catch how they got wind of the place, or if they knew the owner, but any who. Upon arrival, a mysterious man carrying a pitchfork and wearing a wheat bag over his head starts to walk towards their cars. Weird? yes a little, but not overly scary or suspenseful given it’s like 2pm in the afternoon (haha). Here’s me thinking it would take your brain a few seconds to work out what you were actually seeing, but apparently not because without warning several members of the group begin frantically screaming and freaking out before they realize it’s just a harmless, somewhat simple man. In fact, it’s the owner of the cabin’s son. Once the proverbial shit hits the fan you’d think that would be the time to try to obtain a weapon, but alas no one ever does. I can take a weak moment or two throughout a film in this genre, with this title, but c’mon (haha). You don’t want to insult your viewers intelligence to that extent. They expect a fight of some sort and not a single one of these try-hards even has a crack, of course making them even less likable. A character that shall remain unnamed, tries to dial for help at one point but is in plain view of the rest of the group and clearly not dialing. Yet even with eyes on her no one seems to notice the numbers aren’t rotating (ah durr..). On another occasion a couple of characters are hiding behind a couch trying to concoct a plan. They are about 6 foot from the Pizza girl and don’t appear to be feeling the heat, Seriously like you wouldn’t be skewered in 4 seconds? I know they were probably trying to build some suspense in that part, but it was just “Scary Movie” silly. I could go on with these gripes but I won’t.

Jason Witters “Pizza Girl Massacre”, is an ambitious low-budget undertaking that was always going to have its work cut out for it. I feel like this was a missed opportunity that should have been so much crazier and memorable than it is. Some of the characters quirks and a few of the comedic gags worked, along with Jason, Rhiannon and Amy giving the better performances. The best thing on display here is quite clearly, the resourceful practical effects and prosthetic application during those action sequences. Sadly they weren’t dominant like they should have been for a film in this genre, with this kick ass title. The style in which it’s shot, the inconsistent audio and the flavorless cast make it difficult to gauge a potential higher rating. The first half plods along with basically no body count to speak of, all the while lacking the character development too. It picks up momentum a bit towards the final act but not enough to really save face. It can’t be denied that Pizza Girl Massacre feels like two completely different films, neither of which can keep your attention. I commend Jason’s effort though and somebody else might see something I couldn’t. This is not an easy business and I’m sure he’s learnt a lot and will put that to good use on his next project which I hope to watch, Sorry mate!

My rating for “Pizza Girl Massacre” is 3.5/10

DON’T GO TO THE REUNION

THE SETUP

Written by Kevin Sommerfield, Directed by Steve Goltz and Released by Slasher Studios, “Don’t Go To The Reunion” is a slasher film inspired by a wave of horror flicks from the 80’s. Influenced by films such as “Madman”, “Slaughter High” and “Friday the 13th”, Kevin and Steve have created a clear homage for all fans of the genre to enjoy. It’s 2004, and a group of popular students from Hamilton High are on the eve of graduation. They decide to play a prank on misfit loner, and horror obsessed Scott Rantzen (played by Brady Simenson). The extremely popular and beautiful Erica Carpenter’s (the lovely Stephanie Rose), seemingly innocent flirting backfires and Scott ends up being expelled. It’s now ten years on, the group of friends have gone their separate ways, but are uniting for a one-off reunion weekend at a cabin. It’s there where they come to the realization that Scott might be back and out for revenge. The film also stars Nick Sommer (Blood Junkies and Billy Club), Jonathon Krautkramer, Spencer Harlan, Hannah Herdt, Mike Goltz and Matty Dorschner. I stumbled upon the Slasher Studios website about a year ago, and have since started following their projects. I’ve had this film for about a year, so it was nice to finally get the chance to watch it (my stack of unwatched films is constantly growing). You have to admire both Kevin and Steve for their do it yourself approach. This was a first time for both, Writing and Directing full length features. They had only previously worked on a few short films.

THE GOOD

I know what your thinking when you look at the awesome artwork and poster for Don’t Go To The Reunion, it screams 80’s right? Yes, you’d be correct. These guys don’t claim to be reinventing the genre, or for that matter even making anything original. It’s clear from the outset, with the tongue in cheek humor, and constant slasher film and franchise references that these guys are simply fans making a film for other fans. Everything is incredibly self-aware, right down to characters knowing something strange is going on but waiting far too long to do anything about it (haha). Through to the killer explaining how each of the kills fits into the master plan. It’s a fast paced film that only runs 62 minutes, it’s plainly an opening act set during high school in 2004. Followed by a recap with exposition regarding what’s happened in each of our characters lives over the last few years. To the climax, which is all about the motive and revenge. You won’t get a picture painted clearer than this one and fans of the genre will appreciate that. The dialogue audio is nice and clear, and the shot choices are steady and simple.

The opening sequence to the film had some smooth and effective panning, coupled with some jarring sound effects, and you’ve got that 80’s vibes right off the bat. Some of the score towards the final act sounded a little “Maniac Cop” inspired, to be honest I was hoping there would be a heavier use of synth then there was. Most of the writing is about what you’d expect. The jocks Chris and Joe (played by Sommer and Goltz), mostly just guzzle beer and shut the girls down the second they want to contribute to the conversation. Erica and Jessica (Rose and Herdt), have the closest thing resembling a meaningful conversation, where secrets and revelations about Scott’s troubled past come to the surface. Brandon (Dorschner), the most mature of the group and David, Erica’s new boyfriend (Harlan), are probably the two most likeable and interesting characters. There were a few fun comedic gags here and there, but nothing overly memorable. Kills you say? How does the violence and gore stack up? We’ll you have to keep in mind this is an  indie film with an estimated budget of $18,000, most of which I believe was raised through Kickstarter. Taking that into consideration, it’s not bad at all. Firstly, Kevin doesn’t break the cardinal rule of the slasher, by going any longer than 20 minutes before the first kill, so kudos on that. I won’t spoil the kills for those who haven’t seen it, but the most impressive of the bunch involves a car hood with some cool practical effects. Unfortunately most of the impact and blood sprays throughout the film take place off-screen.

THE BAD

I’ll start off with some of the complications that could have been avoided, or things I would think could have been fixed regardless of budget. Consistency, or should I say lack there of, is a word that comes to mind when you watch Don’t Go To The Reunion. I don’t take issue with the badly dubbed and forceful screaming from one of the secondary characters, but the constant peaking of my sound system I do. Several of the songs played throughout the movie, along with most of its sound effects are deafeningly loud. The variation in levels between dialogue audio, screaming and music/sound effects will have you reaching for the remote several times throughout this one. Steve and Co probably should have spent a little more time in the editing phase. While we’re on the technical front, most of the lighting throughout was good given the budget, but the second half of the film and in particular the last act, goes painfully dark. I wanted to see some of the red stuff and unfortunately I didn’t see much of anything. Several of the uninteresting establishing shots probably could have been done away with too. Though saying that, it’s not the end of the world in a film that only lasts 62 minutes (haha). Normally I don’t take issue with profanity if it’s in context, but it’s clear here that all the male characters are trying extra hard to win that coveted royal douchebagery award (haha). I could have done without the couple of C’s and consistent F bombs. Some is okay but it’s a touch excessive.

In the greater scheme of things most of those smaller issues don’t hurt the film, I was still thoroughly entertained. The common recurrence with slasher films though, is that all the characters usually suck (haha). Now I know that’s often the intention, so when the body count rises and each of these foul-mouthed brats gets what’s coming to them, we as an audience are happy we were there to witness it. Saying that, most of us want at least one character to make it out alive. I suppose our final girl here isn’t too bad, I’d just like to see a few more interesting characters and not just the stereotypes (although I love them to haha). When you take into account the average level of experience here, the acting was alright. Stephanie, Spencer and Nick delivered slightly better performances than the rest, and the lady who played The Teacher has to get “worst on ground” sorry (eek). I wanted to see more blood and gore in this film, and I’m sure Kevin and Steve wanted to deliver that and probably just couldn’t because of the budget. Regardless, I’m always hoping for more and in that sense I was left a little disappointed (but I’m tough to please).

I knew that Don’t Go To The Reunion was a low-budget film from a first time director, rightly or wrongly I had the bar set high, but overall was pretty impressed with the end result. This get up and go attitude from Slasher Studios reminded me of Chris LaMartina and his films “Witch’s Brew” and “Presidents Day”. The camera work and shot choices, clear-cut story layout and cool practical effects, separate this from a lot of its competition. In addition Stephanie’s a cute final girl. It’s the lack of polish in the lighting, sound and music editing and sections of the writing letting this one down somewhat. I was hoping for less idol chit-chat and pleasantries and more of the killing, but I also appreciate this isn’t a great sum of money to make a film with so well done Steve, Kevin and everybody else involved with it. I can’t wait to see Dismembering Christmas!

My rating for “Don’t Go To The Reunion” is 6/10